Before You Came Into My Life I Missed You So Bad, I Missed You So Bad, I Missed You So So Bad.


OMG it's me!  Sorry for taking a sabbatical of sorts.  I was very busy ignoring the boxes that still need to be unpacked and that added to my daily tasks of singing Carly Mae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe" at the top of my lungs and trying to convince Ryan that I'm mature enough to have a baby left me with absolutely no time at all to post.

Here is a video of me singing that song.  OJ (Ryan's best friend) obviously likes it too.  Also, yes I do get the words a bit wrong and yes I know I'm not the loveliest singer that ever lived.

   video


Here is another picture of OJ, specifically requested by both Sarah in the comments (apparently he makes her eyes smiley) and OJ, to make up for the ridiculous video.  He also wants me to explain to you that this video is entirely my doing as I was shouting things like "Jazz Hands OJ!" and "Jazzier OJ!" "Now pretend you're the girl singing the song."  "No I'm not filming this, flip your hair!"

He's single ladies.  And a superb dancer.  He's like an Indian David Boreanaz with a sweet Southern accent y'all.
Anywho, Saturday was one of my very best friend's wedding.  And she asked me to read at the ceremony.  Not just any reading, an original reading.  "Oh and make it funny," she said.  Which is when I fainted a little bit.  Upon being revived, I agreed to the (to me) daunting prospect and then promptly smushed it to the back of my brain, telling myself that I had MONTHS to think about what to do.  



Fast forward to two weeks before the wedding.  Apart from bits of jokes and some truly awful one-liners, I had almost nothing.  It was then that I admitted to myself that I would probably never be a stand-up comedienne. 

I said to myself, "Self, you've got to stop trying too hard to make everyone roll around on the floor in giggling fits and just be you."  And that's when I finally came up with the below.  So on this beautiful (at least in Chicago) Memorial Day, enjoy this tribute to sweet lovely Julie and her handsome husband Caleb.

I love you dear friends.  Now please stop being so beautiful.


Eight years ago, not far away, there lived a shining track star.
At a meet his life was changed, for that is when he saw her.

He thought:
Someday I want my babies to have that beautiful complexion, 
so he ran really fast in her general direction.

She said her name was Julie He was Caleb (last name) and,
if it was ok with her, he'd like to hold her hand.

That's fine, she said, but nothing more.  For I am a lady.
So he grabbed her hand and took her on their first date rollerblading.

Things progressed from there, I won't bore you with the details.
From two different colleges they wrecked their parents' phone bills.

And in time their family grew, they think back this on fondly.
Remembering when they brought home a ball of fur named Blondie.

The ball of fur in question.

After graduation, at last living with each other,
Caleb made a big decision, so truly did he love her.

He bought a sparkly diamond and got down on one knee.
Julie, he asked nervously, Will You Marry Me?

Of course you know that she said yes, and wiped away a tear.
With just one word a future set, and that brings us to here.

A newish wife myself, I can't offer much advice.
Some predictions though, I'll attempt to be concise.

First to dear sweet Julie, the most beautiful of brides.
Let me paint a picture, some visions I'll confide.

You will walk the dog early in the morning,
while Caleb presses snooze and resumes his blissful snoring.

You'll be the one to plan all parties, sports leagues and events.
Lack of clean underwear, you'll act laundress to prevent.

It is you who'll lead the dancing when the song is loud and fast.
After all you have exuberance and dance moves unsurpassed.

Julie's Bachelorette Party

With your keen eye you'll have the role of interior designer.
But you'll sigh and let your husband purchase that recliner.

It's you who'll soothe the babies at three twenty-eight AM.
But at five 'o' clock you'll hear more cries and push Caleb out of bed.

Speaking of you Caleb, such a dashing groom.
Here is a hypothesis for life after the "I Dos".

You'll have the task of checking out odd noises in the night.
And all the creepy crawly things, it will be your job to smite.

You'll also have to tackle dinner and work thinks electronic.
And please be a dear, pour the drinks.  She'll have a vodka tonic.

You will have to face your friends if Blondie should attack them.
And when other men hit on your wife, it's you that has to whack them.

If you are ever ill dear Caleb, Julie will play nurse.
In exchange for this, on shopping trips, you'll gladly hold her purse.

You'll take charge of DVRing shows like The Bachelorette.
And hanging things that's up to you, on walls made of cement.

Now I'm sure you think it's mad, this future I've foreseen.
But I have one more prediction and on this we'll all agree.

You two will be so happy, almost sickeningly so.
Through easy times and hard ones, your love won't cease to grow.

You'll hold hands and live, the happiest of lives.
Julie with your husband and Caleb with your wife.

I hope that I've been helpful in my convoluted way.
I'll stop talking now and let you have your day.



  


55 comments:

  1. AW! That was so fucking sweet! Well played! And I'm uber proud of you for not fainting whist reading it in front of people. :o)

    And you sing quite wonderfully.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Valerie! I was super proud of myself for the not fainting too. I think I didn't only because I had to stand in heels on these weird uneven cobblestone things while doing the reading. The fear of tripping and flashing my undergarments at 150 people made me forget to be scared that I would faint.

      Delete
  2. Beautiful! I love it!

    Also, Call Me Maybe is impossible to not sing daily

    So glad to see you post again!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Brittany!

      And I totally agree. That song is never not in my head. Ryan makes so much fun of me for it. Mostly because I accidentally just started singing it out loud in a restaurant during dinner one night last week. Oopsies.

      Delete
  3. What a sweet thing to write for your friend! It was lovely, and thoughtful, and I'm sure everyone loved it. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I now have ridiculous standards for wedding speeches. I hope my best friend can live up to this poem when it comes time for her to speak at my wedding. I absolutely loved it!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Aw thank you! I'm sure your best friend will do an incredible job.

      Delete
  5. What a beautiful poem speechy thing! What a beautiful couple! What a lovely friend you are, because I bet that was terrifying! All the beautiful people live in Chicaco!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They are so pretty right? It was just a little bit terrifying haha.

      Delete
  6. That was awesome. So much better than over the top one liners. This will be something they will cherish. Well played!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Mel! You should have heard the jokes I started with. Holy crap they were terrible.

      Delete
  7. What a wonderful speech! Congrats to the happy couple!

    ReplyDelete
  8. So, we haven't met but I'm going to call on you for the reading (and writing) on our big day. ; ) Your friend is very lucky - beautiful day, beautiful wedding, handsome husband and great best frientd.

    Surprised, though, that she didn't ask you to sing. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anytime Jen!

      And I know right? I have such a melodic singing voice.

      Delete
  9. You're just like Carrie Bradshaw at the decorator's wedding! Except for her actually being your close friend part. And the funny part. But all the other parts are the same!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carrie Bradshaw comparison yessss! Now I have to go watch this episode again because I seriously can't remember it at all.

      Delete
    2. I can't remember which season. It's the one where Miranda's playwright (I think?) friend comes to stay with her from London just after she moves into her new place and she thinks he might be perfect for her and then he meets Miranda's decorator. And during the reading Carrie does, Big leaves to take a call. And Ryan listened to your poem, yes? So your story is BETTER than Carrie Bradshaw's!!!!!!!!!!

      Delete
    3. Take THAT Carrie Bradshaw.

      Delete
  10. That is SO freaking cute! i'm actually dreading the day my friends get married because I want no part in talking at weddings...I'm such a baby and will totally cry! I barely made it through my vows!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I always cry at weddings. My little speech was actually at like the very end of their ceremony so I was fighting to keep it together as I didn't really want to get up in front of hundreds of people with streaked makeup and a runny nose.

      Delete
  11. I spend a ridiculous amount of time watching youtube videos of college teams singing that song. Stupid amount of time. Really.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well now I have to go do this. Goodbye getting any work done today.

      Delete
  12. Friend weddings are the best, aren't they?

    *sniffles*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They really are. It was the sweetest thing.

      Delete
  13. Love it!! How witty & clever...a little jealous that I don't have you as a friend to do this at perhaps a 10 yr anniversary....???
    And what were you worried about...you always seem to pull things off last minute~screw planning & being on the ball! It seems overrated in my opinion~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I'm available for hire. Plus I can be paid in jellybeans, so win/win.

      And yes ::sigh:: I tend to be a very last-minute person when it comes to things like all the things. I should do something about that. Maybe later though, am googling pictures of baby seals in hats right now.

      Delete
  14. Oh I love love love your poem. Also I find "BE FUNNY MONKEY NOW" to be the worst writing prompt ever. Alternately I sprinkle "boobs" into the mix and hope everybody laughs. Doesn't work as well at weddings, though.

    Congrats to your beautiful friends!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! This made me laugh. Because whenever Ryan feels I'm being a bit too naggy he mutters "Dance Monkey! Dance!"

      And thank you!

      Delete
  15. Ah, that call me maybe song is constantly in my head! Glad I'm not the only one! I do kind of feel like a 17 year old when I sing it though.

    Also, that speech of yours was awesome! If I ever get married, I hope I have a friend cool enough to do something like that for me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know! My little sister makes fun of me for liking the song.

      And thanks!

      Delete
  16. Shannon S.5/30/2012

    That speech was fantastic! You are so brave, you don't even know; my hands started shaking just at the thought of reading an original poem in front of hundreds of people.

    I, too, have been on forced hiatus from the internet due to moving, the bane of my life. I don't know what's worse - the act of sorting through clutter and deciding what to toss/donate, the packing itself, or the manuevering through the maze of boxes piled up throughout my house.

    And now "Call Me Maybe" is stuck in my head.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I'm not that brave, just figured if I fell down and ripped my dress or accidentally said a swear word or something it would make for blog fodder. So I went for it.

      And yes moving, ick. So much ick.

      Delete
  17. This is spooky. I was ALSO at a wedding this weekend, where I heard that "Call Me Maybe" song for the first time. Cut to yesterday where I couldn't stop singing it, out loud, at the grocery store. Oh, and OJ's of the boys liking boys variety, no?

    That was a truly inspired poem. I suck at poetry, and you have mad skillz, so I bow to your awesomeness. I'm surprised that was read at the ceremony and not as a speach at the reception. But it was still super cute!

    And those 2 are ridiculously gorgeous. Those engagement pics (I'm guessing) are stunning and so creative. Whoever their photographer was has a great eye!

    Ok, commence end to rambling comment . . . now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha OJ is most definitely straight! (And probably going to kill me for posting thing...may have to take it down.) I had just made him listen to that song like ten times on end and had been throwing choreographer directions at him all night "More Jazz Hands OJ!" "Jazzier OJ!" "Now pretend like you're the girl singing the song!" "I promise I'm not taping this, flip your hair."

      The wedding ceremony was outdoors and officiated by a friend of the couple, so it wasn't in a big church or anything that I was reading this silly poem, so it worked.

      And yep, they're pretty people. Sometimes it's hard to hang out with them (just kidding Julie!)

      Delete
    2. Most definitely straight!

      Lauren, thank you for adding the second picture to help clarify this.

      But now that I think about it, it's not so much "boys liking boys"... more like "Boy loves Boy"I love you Ryan Gallagher!

      Delete
    3. I think Ryan has this page favorited on his computer so he can come here and read your comment again and again OJ. Sometimes I wonder about you two. See you in a week!

      Delete
  18. Wow! I was going to say that OJ channels my inner cougar and then I realized two things. 1. I have no idea how old he is. 2. I don't really know how old a girl has to be in order to be considered a cougar. But feel free to post more pictures of him. Oh, I know! We can have the daily OJ picture. He makes my eyes all smiley. Sigh....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your wish is my command Blogstalker. Please see the new picture of OJ above. He said your comment made his day.

      Delete
    2. No way! This is awesome! LOVE YOU! LOVE YOUR BLOG!!! And now I can go to work a happy girl.

      Delete
    3. Love YOU for reading!

      Delete
  19. pageflipme5/30/2012

    Very sweet! AND...OJ makes my eyes all smiley too (although they, along with the rest of me belong to my hubby sweetface)...but they are happy to peruse daily eyecandy which would OF COURSE include pics of OJ reading you dirty parts of that book by the pool.......

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So I've been sending OJ all of these comments via email as they come in and he is one happy boy these last couple of weeks.

      Delete
  20. Good Dancer AND a Southern accent? I think I might swoon.I agree more posts of OJ...
    Oh and I'm a new stalker but I love your blog, you crack me up. Your conversations with your boss remind me of conversations with my bosses/coworkers.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad you've found my blog! And not only is he a good dancer but he can sing like an angel. And whenever I say "OJ sing me a song." He totally does. Unlike my husband who says "No."

      Delete
  21. Tell OJ he has a Southern girl crushing on him from Florida! Such a cutie AND he sings Carly Rae Jepsen? Definitely a catch.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He is such a catch! The man love of my husband's life.

      Delete
  22. Yeah - I teared up... So very sweet, and happy, and funny, and probably everything she asked you to do!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think she/they were happy with it, which made me really happy with it. I'm so glad you liked it!

      Delete
  23. AJS7216/14/2012

    LOVE that poem! So great, so sweet and really? SO TRUE. And your singing voice is much nicer than mine which ... honestly isn't saying much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have a hard time thinking my singing voice is nicer than anybody's. I can clear a karaoke bar faster than you can blink.

      And Thanks! I was so happy to be able to do something like this for them on their wedding day.

      Delete
  24. Lauren,
    You're amazing and your poem was fantastic. We could'nt have been happier with what you wrote. Thank you for all the sweet comments everyone! Keep Lauren in mind for your weddings ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was so happy to do it Julie! I'm so glad you liked it. I'm also so glad I didn't fall down while making my way back to my seat.

      Delete
  25. Tell your friend OJ that if he needs a baker in his establishment I am there for him. *I just graduated as a Baker! Hazaa!* He is adorable. And I love your blog!

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
 
Site Design By Designer Blogs