You can catch up on the first part by clicking on these words.
Or you can just read this brief recap.
Once upon a time a goofy young lad by the name Ryan fell in love with a sassy little lass who, at the time, did not go by her given name (Lauren) but rather by the nickname 'Rae-Rae' because she was all sorts of cool and tough. She was even cool and tough on the days when her dad insisted on calling her 'Yiddy Rae-Rae.'
Don't believe me?
|Check out the mean face on Yiddy Rae Rae.|
|What. A. Guter.|
Oh sorry, 'Guter' (say gooter) is what I call Ryan these days. Ever since this happened:
Ryan: Words with friends will not let me play this word and I KNOW it's a word.
Lauren: What word?
Lauren: Yeah, that's definitely a word, let me see.
Lauren: Seriously? Gutter has two 't's, what you are trying to play is the word gooter.
Ryan: Oh, yeah I thought it looked funny. (Sure you did Ryan.)
So anyway, it looked like poor Ryan was out of luck.
Lauren was still hanging out with her dad in high school.
And Ryan had frosted tips and a cool necklace in high school.
|He'd gotten a lot more 'cuter' and a lot less 'guter'.|
Let's compare again shall we?
|Lauren. Broken Finger Obviously.|
|Ryan. Topless obviously.|
But blah blah blah, miracles occurred, planets were thrown out of alignment and Ryan and Lauren fell in love or whatever passes for love in high school.
And then they went to prom together. And then high school was over. And they were serious adults in a serious relationship. Ha.
|These are our normal faces. Lauren talking about something absurd and gesturing wildly. Ryan cringing.|
The summer after high school Ryan and Lauren had a tough decision to make. Did they just call it quits? After all they were only 18 and had only been dating for like six months. Or did they attempt to stay together in college, while they attended two different colleges?
On a fancy date to Navy Pier over food court Chinese food, Lauren could no longer handle all of the begging and agreed that they should try to make it work. Ryan was SO happy.
|"Oh Lauren, you're wonderful. Never change." And then Lauren never did. And then Ryan regretted telling her never to change.|
|And then Lauren regretted ever supporting the idea that Ryan take his top off.|
It did help that their two respective colleges were only about 20 minutes apart.
And so the college adventure began.
Freshman year they started out strong.
They made both friends and responsible decisions.
|I actually took this picture. Such a proud moment.|
|This is OJ. He was the best man at our wedding. He and Ryan have a very special relationship.|
And made it a priority to spend lots of time together.
|If it makes any of you think better of me, this boy was gay. (Seriously)|
|My sorority formal. I wore the dress I'd been keeping in my closet since prom. Ryan wore the hair he'd been growing on his head since prom.|
And Lauren made sure Ryan knew exactly what she was worth by forcing him to take her on fancy dates.
Both on land...
|Why yes that is a large piece of paper on which my roommates wrote down every ridiculous thing I said and then taped to the wall|
And by sea.
|Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker.|
|Actually this was an accident, but then I wouldn't let Ryan change that day.|
So things for a while were great in Ryan and Lauren land.
And then they were not so great. Because they were 20 years old and impetuous. And maybe just a little too young to be saying the word 'forever' out loud. So they decided to take a break.
This blogger doesn't much know how that time went for Ryan. But for Lauren it was like this:
The night after the big split Lauren's friends DRAGGED her to the bar and made her smile for pictures.
|Did I say I was 20 when we broke up? I clearly meant 21, because I never went to bars when I was 20 Mom.|
But she was not a happy girl.
She stopped letting herself get talked into going to bars and instead made her friends come over to her apartment and wallow with her in grief and dirty sweats and fake engagement rings.
Yes Lauren was so out of her mind that she wore a fake engagement ring around both so she could pretend like she wasn't dumped but rather affianced and also so that boys would just leave her alone completely.
Because she was over boys.
|Shots of Apple Juice. Because I was still 20. Shit I mean 21. Well in that case, shots of beer. Once a minute for 60 minutes. It's called a Power Hour Mom.|
Lauren was all like, eff Ryan. What a jerk. I don't miss him at all. Hey friends lets dress up sort of slutty for Halloween and then take pictures of ourselves and send them to Ryan.
|Not to make him jealous. Not at all. Just because he always liked when I wore this shirt.|
|How Do I Live Without You? I Want To Know. Ummm..that song has already been written RYAN.|
|Not because of the drinking, because of the broken finger/wrist.|
|Don't deny it Ryan. You did. You LOVED her.|
|Hard to believe this boy would grow up to be hyper-picky about slippers.|
|My Eyes! My Eyes! Get Some Sun Lauren For Gods Sake.|
|Yes I still make him do this, why do you ask?|
|Even though sometimes he tried to deny it.|
|And then Lauren got her teeth whitened.|
But here's a small hint. One of these two couples get married.
|Oh Look Ryan! Your eyes match my shirt.|
Lots of love blogstalkers!!! Was it worth the wait? I'm guessing probably not. It was a pretty long wait.