Because Not Only Do I Like You..But I LIKE Like You

So yesterday I had some spare time and inbetween helpings of lasagna and episodes of Downton Abbey I actually finished rewriting Ryan's wedding vows (as I promised to do this post.)

I'll share that tomorrow, in honor of Valentine's Day, which is like my second favorite holiday, even though Ryan almost never buys me ANY RUBIES IN CELEBRATION OF OUR LOVE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I ASK.  (I realize that sentence was not grammatically correct.  Not having any rubies makes me forget my book learning from time to time.)

But today, blogstalkers, because my last giveaway was such a rousing success and people actually embraced the absurdness of it all instead of deleting my blog from reading list, I have decided to do another, also in honor of Saint Valentine.

This will definitely be a giveaway on a much smaller scale as I am not made of money and money does not grow on trees and I do not have any rubies to pawn for money.

But it'll still be quirky and odd and everything you all apparently liked about the last one (weirdos.)  And will mostly be a surprise, but will definitely include "Stop Talking" cards.



These are VERY useful.
 Sorry Ryan, you are unable to win this giveaway.  And no I will not tell you where I purchased the "Stop Talking" cards.  (paper-source.com if anyone else is curious.)

To enter just leave me/Ryan

1. Any old comment

or

2. A comment detailing exactly why you think I deserve not only rubies, but also probably various other jewels.

Goodluck blogstalkers!!

I'll pick a winner on Wednesday.  It'll probably be you.

xoxo - Lauren Rae aka Lauren


93 comments:

  1. Lauren, I love your blog! It took me roughly two days to go back and read everything. At least I didn't inhale it all in one sitting.

    Anyway, thanks for being awesome. I don't even care about the giveaway, just wanted you to know I love your writing and sense of humor. (blogstalker is probably a very good way to describe your readers, if they're anything like me).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm always so astonished when people say they've read my archives in just a couple of hours/days. I like...actually feel really bad for you. I swear I don't think I could handle that much crazy in such a short amount of time.(But totally totally thanks for reading everything - makes my day!!)

      And no, Pamela, Thank YOU for being awesome and for all the nice words.

      Delete
  2. Anonymous2/13/2012

    Hi! I'm new to your blog, but I offically love it! (Until this morning, I only unoffically loved it- I had to wait for the paperwork to process. You know how it is.)
    As to why you deserve rubies and/or other assorted baubles, I can only say that you and I appear to be very similar, and god knows that *I* deserve rubies and.or other assorted baubles THEREFORE you must ALSO deserve rubies and.or other assorted baubles.
    Makes perfect sense to me. =)
    ~Stefanie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes PERFECT sense, thank you.

      I'm currently compiling arguments for Ryan's and my annual Valentine's Day Eve gemstone argument. So you have helped immensely. I feel like this could be the year I get my rubies. Although, I do say that every year and every year I am wrong.

      Delete
  3. I can't think of a better argument than that you are awesome. Ryan must know this. And everyone knows you give your awesome wife rubies on Valentine's Day, it's common sense. Have sense, Ryan.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seriously, have sense RYAN.

      Oh how I hope he reads these comments.

      Delete
  4. You deserve rubies, Lauren, because you're hilarious. And because you provide your husband with lots of entertainment, I imagine. And actually, rubies are cheaper than BABIES, so you can just pose it to him that way. I wannnnnnaaaaa wiiiiin!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha you call it "entertainment" and he calls it "dear lord let this end soon"

      And you have a baby right? So you would totally know which is cheaper. Added to my list of arguments.

      Ryan is going to have a very "entertaining" night.

      Delete
  5. Melody2/13/2012

    My cats are the only people who think I deserve rubies. Cats have low expectations.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ugh I can't even have cats because dumb Ryan is allergic.

      Although, if I did have cats, they would probably not think I deserved rubies because I have a vague suspicion that I would probably dress them up in doll clothes from time to time.

      Also, I would probably name them Lady Fanny and Lord Bumbershoot

      Yeah, my cats would hate me.

      Delete
  6. Does Ryan 'do' Valentine's Day? My husband got home from work late tonight and I happened to mention that tomorrow is said Valentine's. Five minutes later he's making his excuses to go out again (said he had to drop something off). I know full well he's forgotten again and has rushed to the petrol station (the only thing open this time of night) to go and buy me a last minute card. *sigh* He's probably panicking because he forgot my last birthday and I wouldn't talk to him for three days (I did, however, do a lot of flouncing around and sighing). All I wanted was a 'wife' card because we'd been married a month and I was looking forward to my first one! I am high maintenance and apparently attempting to tell you my entire life story in the comment box.

    I am attempting to send ruby brain vibes to Ryan but all I can think of is wanting bananas and custard. I hope he doesn't get you those.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally get the 'wife' card thing. I was really excited about my first one. But then SOMEONE just bought me a 'girlfriend' card and crossed off girlfriend and wrote wife.

      And no, Ryan doesn't 'do' Valentine's Day. I always try to get him to celebrate but he's just like "Why should we only celebrate our love one day of the year? It should be celebrated year round." And I'm like "Since when do you celebrate our love year round? Yesterday you burped and then blew on me." And he's like "Exactly."

      Also, I love the word flounce.

      And honestly at this point in my relationship, I would take bananas and custard. (NO I WOULDN'T RYAN, RUBIES.)

      Delete
  7. Krista2/13/2012

    You deserve Rubies because you are Lauren, Queen of the Blogosphere. And because Downton Abbey is going to rip your heart out soon, if it hasn't done already....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I JUST started season two of Downton Abbey and I literally can not wait to get home, make sure The Bacheleor is being DVRd correctly, eat two tangerines and a pickle and then swoon over Matthew Crawley a bit.

      Oh and while I do quite appreciate the "Queen" title, I think we can all agree I'm more like the chambermaid of the blogosphere.

      ::sigh:: maybe someday, if I work on my manners and shit

      Delete
  8. i'm going to go with comment option 3 - telling you why i need those stop talking cards justsodangbadly. even though there wasn't a comment option 3... i'm making one up.

    there's this guy. he's friends with my boyfriend. this is problematic for three reasons: 1. this means i have to be nice to him, 2. this also means i have to hang out with him from time to time, 3. he's a complete douchecanoe that fell in love with snowboarding even though he's only done it once and that's the only thing he will talk about since his trip - despite this, please see 1. & 2.

    he says things like "i totally can't wait to shred on the pow, man!" (feel very, very sorry for me.)

    also (kind of random side note), he brought a girl along for our double date awhile ago. she asked him to explain something small about the football game going on on the TV. he proceeded to tell her the history of football for the next 50 minutes. as i watched her eyes glaze over, i had no choice but to tell him to stop.

    me: "she doesn't care."
    him: "she asked!"
    me: "she asked for points. her eyes are glazing over. please for the love of GOD and ALL THAT IS HOLY STOP TALKING!!!"

    (just think how handy those cards would have been if i had them at that point... so much less confrontational.)

    i needneedneedneedneed those stop talking cards just for this guy. because he also happens to get his feelings hurt easily and i feel like this might just be the solution for when we hang out. he's quiet. i'm happy. it's a win-win.

    also, you deserve rubies covered in diamonds dripping in babies. lots of babies and rubies and diamonds... because you're that awesome. get with the program, ryan!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. do i get extra points for writing the longest comment EVER? :) cam

      Delete
    2. Hmmm..it DOES sound like you need the cards. If Ryan comes through on the whole ruby front this year, I promise I will pawn my ruby (or rubies RYAN, it doesn't have to just be one) and purchase you many many "Stop Talking" cards.

      I'm lucky that Ryan doesn't have any friends like that. I unfortunately, would not be able to deal with it as well as you do. I would be all "Shut your damn mouth." And then I would remember my sweet Southern Grandmother and be like "I apologize, what I meant to say is A Closed Mouth Catches No Flies."

      Delete
    3. And yes, you do get extra points. Around here we call them (Thanks to Abigail above) "llama" points since when you accumulate enough of them, you can trade them in for a llama.

      Delete
    4. you ARE lucky. the boyfriend is amazingly awesome in every way other than the one annoying friend. so i try to think of as the one small thing i have to put up with :)

      yay for llama points. i love llamas. how many do you have to accumulate before you can trade them in for the llama? i'm going to have some point accumulating to get to!

      Delete
    5. Let's just say...10,000

      And you already have one. So close!

      Delete
  9. Brianne2/13/2012

    Hahahaha, I wanna win, but Im still laughing at the term "douche canoe" above. Totally making it into my rotation. Also, RYAN give Lauren RUBIES!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes RYAN. GIVE LAUREN RUBIES.

      And douchecanoe..haha yeah, my readers are funny funny people. I swear the comments are better than the posts most days.

      I also sometimes love the term 'twat waffle'. It just depends on the day.

      Delete
    2. twat waffle trumphs douche canoe any day!

      but i'm so glad you enjoyed it, brianne.

      lauren, thanks for the new and improved term!

      Delete
    3. You are welcome.

      Adding the word waffle to any insult makes it one hundred times better. I think the same can probably be said for canoe.

      Delete
  10. Hello Lauren,
    I am also Lauren (Lauren Marie, it may help to clear up any confusion), as a Lauren (and you are the 3rd that I have ever 'met') you are OWED many and various jewels because we are the most fantastic, beautiful creatures ever and must always be adorned in some way.
    I impatiently await your post detailing what jewels were provided to get you a step or two closer to what you actually deserve. ;-)

    (hugs) Lauren Marie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey! Welcome to the Lauren Club. So far it's just me, Other Lauren (another reader) and you, Lauren Marie.

      It's a VERY exclusive club.

      And thank you for calling me a beautiful creature. Ryan sometimes tells me I look like a creature when I wake up, but he always seems to forget the 'beautiful' part.

      Delete
    2. Yes! Welcome to the Lauren Club! We need to get a clubhouse and have a meeting. First order of business - The Great Ruby Caper of 2012! Also, last week I met a Lauren through work and another at my supermarket. We're taking over!!! I am Lauren....hear me roar!! <3

      Delete
    3. Muah ha ha ha ha, the Laurens are gathering and the world had better watch out.

      I always wanted a clubhouse a la the movie "Now and Then" growing up.

      But then my dad built one for my brother in the backyard and no girls were allowed.

      Which was fine (or should have been) because I was 16 and not into childish things like clubhouses (or should not have been at least.)

      Stupid No Girls Allowed Clubhouse.

      I'm TOTALLY over it.

      Delete
    4. since my middle name is lauren, can i be an honorary member or a substitute or something?

      Delete
    5. Let's take a vote! My vote is yes but we will have to wait and see what Other Lauren and Lauren Marie think.

      Delete
    6. My vote is yes. A Lauren by any other name you know.....just as sweet? Although I think there's an inherent snarkiness to all Laurens, which makes us powerful!

      Delete
    7. Haha I just told Ryan that now there were four of us. He was, let's just say, not pleased.

      Delete
  11. The following is totally true. When I was... however old you are when you have your First Communion, if you're Catholic (eightish, maybe?), I had a "boyfriend" whose parents owned the town jewelry store. He gave me a ruby ring as a First Communion present. Now, eight-year old me was a dork with bad hair who was not NEARLY as entertaining as you are on a daily basis. I really contributed nothing to society, whereas you make me and others laugh, thereby performing a great public service, you selfless girl, you.

    So my point is, if I got a ruby ring, then clearly, you deserve a full set with earrings and a necklace, and maybe a bracelet, too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ::sigh:: You lucky lucky girl you. All I got when I was eight were really really badly chapped lips right before class picture day.

      Thank you for saying I deserve rubies. Although, I should mention that I am 28 and continue to be a dork with bad hair. Maybe you want to change your mind?

      Thanks for Reading!! (and again, for saying I deserve rubies.)

      Delete
  12. Ryan, you do need to buy Lauren rubies, simply to atone for attempting to mail her cupcake hat to a stranger. That's not cool, Ryan. She'll need an 'everyday' ruby and a 'special' ruby, Ryan, so get busy.

    Happy Valentine's Day a day early, Lauren! You always make me grin, and I appreciate that and you and your sense of humor greatly!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll also need an 'around the house' ruby while I'm at it. A proper lady NEVER has less than three rubies. Hehe.

      Happy Valentines Day Jo!

      Delete
  13. WHAT! Why has Ryan never given you rubies!?!? I mean they are the gift that keeps giving. I don't know how, but they just are.
    I believe that you deserve rubies for how wonderfully spectacular you are, and because you are a girl with brunette hair and a porcelain complexion so rubies would look stunning on you.
    Plus if he gave you rubies you would be able to stop asking for them and get on to asking for other important things, like cheese cake and a cup cake scarf to match your hat.
    Happy Valentine's Day!
    Jessica Marie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can you believe, Jessica Marie, that he has also never given me sapphires? Crazy right?

      As far as moving on and asking for other things goes, you are much much too generous. Because I would almost probably definitely just start asking for babies twice as much. I think Ryan takes comfort in the fact that at least right now, it's half babies and half rubies.

      Also, are there cupcake scarves in existence? Because if yes, then I need one.

      Delete
    2. I see your point. Trevor has never given me rubies or sapphires..but I have gotten a few emeralds. If I had rubies I would share them with you.
      Also OF COURSE there are cupcake scarves! Silly girl...and I now feel the need to make you one to match your hat and send it your way and a pretty little box. I am slightly cupcake obsessed and I feel it would do me good to share some of the cupcake accouterments I have gathered.
      So I will start work on your scarf on Wed. :)

      Also Ryan is crazy...you deserve various and sundry jewels, a few babies and some artisan cheeses.

      Delete
    3. Emeralds make me think of The Emerald City in The Wizard of Oz and then I get slightly depressed that a city made of jewels does not actually exist.

      I would totally live in that city. And be a giant jewel thief probably.

      If you actually made me a cupcake scarf to match my hat Ryan might make me quit the blog. He's already sort of despairing the fact that I, from time to time, get cheese sent to me in the mail.

      I, on the other hand, would LOVE it.

      Delete
    4. Already digging through my craft cupboard for the right fabric, yarn, and embroidery floss :)

      And quitting the blog is not allowed...we would miss you too much...especially me!

      Delete
    5. Oh don't worry, I'm NEVER quitting the blog, no matter what Ryan says.

      The only way in fact that I will ever quit this blog, is if Colin Firth asked me to do so in a polite British accent. Because I just don't think I could ever say no to that.

      I so wish I was crafty. I would have so many things that looked like cupcakes.

      I tried to knit a scarf once. It looked very much like swiss cheese in the end. Which you'd think I would like, given the cheese fetish, but nope, it was just sad.

      Also, Swiss cheese in general bums me out, like seriously, why are there holes in it? Instead of holes there could be more cheese. Fill in the holes with cheese god dammit!

      Delete
  14. Krystal2/13/2012

    I am new here and I have already devoured all your posts. I have to say you are incredibly awesome and hilarious. I also forced my boyfriend to read most of your posts. He loves you too. Well... "loves" is a bit creepy but he thinks you are very funny. I am planning on making him read this post tonight so he remembers Valentine's day. Maybe he will also take the hint and buy me some rubies. Maybe you could tell Ryan that storing your money in jewels is more logical thaN paper money. Think about it, how good would paper money be if you were stranded in a foreign place? Either way good luck and I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha it totally tickles my fancy when I hear that a BOY reads my blog. Tell your boyfriend that I love...ahem...think he is very funny as well.

      I keep my fingers crossed for you as well. Let's hope rubies aren't in short supply this evening.

      Thanks for Reading!!

      Delete
  15. You're totally getting rubies. Why would you NOT be entitled to rubies?

    Also, I need the Stop Talking cards because I have three small children. Two of them can't read yet, but I think that's irrelevant. These could be very useful at dinnertime, bedtime, and mixed into the deck of CandyLand cards.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh! CandyLand! I played that game regularly until I left home for college. Because I had so many younger siblings, not because I was lame and still loved a game featuring characters named Queen Frostine, Lord Licorice and Plumpy when I was 18.

      (I hear Plumpy no longer exists in newer additons of the game?)

      And three small children? Yep, you need these cards. I worked in a pre-preschool in college and we played 'the quiet game' ALOT. I always won.

      Delete
  16. So i just found your amazingly awesome blog, via the Blogess, a few days ago and I have to say I'm loving going through the archives. Laughing my proverbial buttocks off and learning a few tricks to treat my hubs with. Loved your last giveaway items....so much better than the ol' burlap wreath...yeehaw!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for popping over here! I sort of hero worship Jenny Lawson, so anytime the words 'your amazingly awesome blog' and 'The Bloggess' make it into the same sentence, I flip my shit.

      Thanks for reading!!

      Also, Ryan asks that you please offer your husband an apology from him, for any upcoming tricks you may employ. Poor silly husbands.

      Delete
  17. Jessica2/14/2012

    Rubies are good - there is also a ton of cupcake jewelry on Amazon - tell Ryan to get shopping!!!

    You make me laugh out loud at work with every new post - making me laugh at work is not an easy thing. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ryan, if you are reading this, GET SHOPPING.

      My most favorite compliment of all time is when people tell me I've made them laugh out loud. So thank, for realz.

      Delete
  18. You should get some rubies so at least one of us is getting our desired Valentine's Day jewels. I was hoping for a diamond (like, you know, the engagement kind) but since my boyfriend didn't make any plans for Valentine's and I had to make our plans (a nice dinner at home) I'm pretty sure he's not popping THE question. I mean, it has been nearly 5 years! He should totally hurry up, right? I"ll just start hoping for the next holiday, even if its not romantic. A drunken St. Patty's Day proposal would be unique at least....OR......"Happy Mother's Day Mom! But, now to the most important woman in my life, who is by far a better cook than my mother, Lindsay, will you marry me?"

    Oh sorry, I just got a little lost there. Happy V-day Lauren (and Ryan)!

    P.S. I just like writing V-day cuz it sounds slightly naughty hehehehehe

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You never never know. Ryan totally asked me to marry him in the middle of our kitchen. Before dinner one night he was like "I'm just going to do this..." True story.

      Although, that was after nine years. I totally would have taken a drunken St. Patty's Day proposal at that point. Heck, I would have taken a "Congratulations You Have The Swine Flu" proposal.

      Happy V-Day!!!

      Delete
  19. And now the comment box appears! Sorry Lindsay!

    I think you should ask for Rubies & Babies!! That is probably the greatest Valentines gift ever. Tell Ryan he can totally thank me later for my amazing idea. Its my valentine to him (but really to you!)!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No worries, totally deleted the other reply/comment.

      Also, after reading this comment, I woke Ryan up this morning and was like "my readers think I should ask for rubies AND babies this year." And he was like "So same as last year then?"

      Happy Valentine's Day!

      Delete
    2. Darn it! I thought that would work! You should remind him that if you have a baby there is a chance that baby may someday be super rich and will be able to buy you rubies so he wont have to anymore! So in the long run he will be saving money.

      Also I am going to stop commenting today because obviously I keep messing it up. Do you think Ryan knows I have totally amazing ideas and doesn't want me passing them on to you so he is messing up my comments before I post them!? I bet that is totally the reason!! Or it could be me, but since I rarely take blame for things let's go with the first option.

      Jen

      Delete
    3. Yes let's definitely blame Ryan. He's gotten pretty good at taking the blame for things over the years actually.

      Like when my sister was like "Who punched a hole in your bedroom door?" He just said "I did." And did not tell her that actually that hole had been created by yours truly in a tragic hallway skateboarding accident.

      Delete
  20. Hi Lauren,
    Guess what? I'm getting married in 25 days. Seriously. It's freaking me out as there is so much to do and we have a 2 year old boy (who is also our best man) who has recently become possessed by whatever demon possess 2 year old kids. I am making ruby slippers for my wedding. These shoes sparkle like a vampire in a teenage romance novel. Rubies are not a privilege they are a goddamn necessity. We plan weddings and have demon children, we deserve rubies.
    WE DESERVE RUBIES!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh congrats! I totally remember when I was getting married in like 25 days. It was Thanksgiving and I was unsuccessfully attempting to not eat carbs. I still laugh at my ambition. Silly Lauren.

      When you are done with your ruby slippers, if you want, you can send them to me for safekeeping. I really don't mind. No hassle at all.

      Delete
  21. Shell Bella2/14/2012

    You deserve rubies because, well, what girl doesn't? Furthermore, you deserve rubies because they are, in fact, a very low maintenance option. Seriously, you could be asking for diamonds, or babies, both of which are far more expensive, and can cut glass. Does Ryan really want all the glas in the house scratched up? I don't think so. There, I've made your argument for you. I hope you got rubies...or at least one.

    I deserve stop talking cards because I am a teacher, and, well, what teacher does not deserve stop talking cards.

    Keep up the great work, Lauren.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seriously. All girls should have a ruby or two.

      And I already have the diamonds.

      And babies CAN cut glass.

      Ryan can't win this argument.

      Also, I totally respect teachers, couldn't do it in a million years.

      Delete
  22. Amy in Atlanta2/14/2012

    You are some kind of funny! And I can think of many times that I could use a stop talking card! I hope I win!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks!

      And I hope you win too, don't tell anyone else I said that though.

      Delete
  23. Anonymous2/14/2012

    I hope Ryan gives in to the pressure from your blogstalkers and buys you rubies. If not, I have a few ideas:

    1. Use his credit card to get the rubies - technically he IS buying them for you
    2. Threaten to stop cooking for him - but I see this as your ace, so maybe this is too early to use it
    3. Leave pictures of rubies everywhere so he can't miss them.

    I didn't say they were GOOD ideas!

    xoxo!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG I FORGOT I HAD HIS CREDIT CARD!

      Except...Because of what Ryan calls "flagrant misuse" of said credit card, he now has text alerts sent to his phone whenever a transaction is completed on that card.

      Stupid Ryan. At lunch I'm probably going to go purchase a lot of maternity pants from 'A Pea In The Pod' just to freak him out.

      And so that I have comfy pants to wear.

      Delete
  24. Ok, so I am new yo your blog, but honestly girl, you make me chuckle something fierce. even the girls (AKA Cali and Pond, my doggies)stare at me like I am a lot crazy-a very familiar look , if I am honest. Anyhoo, I loved your last giveaway. I thought I was the only one with that kind of, um, eclectic taste in stuff. (although I might have added a super ball, because one can never have enough super balls)... Well, thanks for a good time, and while I always want emeralds, I hope you get a big fat ruby today, or at least a pretty one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OH I haven't had a good superball in what seems like forever!

      Totally going to go buy superballs and temporary pink hair dye this afternoon.

      And then I'm totally going to get yelled at for purchasing ridiculous things with Ryan's credit card again tonight.

      After I receive my ruby I presume.

      Delete
  25. Everyone needs rubies. How else do you make a trade for a camel when you end up lost in the desert somewhere? They don't take dollars!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's true!! Are you reading this Ryan?

      Delete
  26. As a devout blogstalker, I think you need rubies because you are secretly an Arabian Princess. You were kidnapped by nationalists a year after you were born in an attempt to save the heir to the Arabian throne from deviants, who were soon to bombard the country with incredibly dangerous Banana Bombs. You were then swept away by the nationalists and taken to the United States to keep you safe from the dreaded Banana Bombers. In order to prove to your country that you are indeed their princess, you will need to expose what happened in the past. You must make your way back into the country and compete in the annual Princess Pageant, a yearly event held in honor of the presumably killed-by-nationalists princess. When you successfully win the pageant, you will reveal your true identity and show the country the rubies Ryan gives you, hidden skillfully in your sock. This is NECESSARY because only the true Arabian Princess carries rubies in her sock (you did it all the time when you were younger).

    If Ryan wants to live the life of Arabian luxury, he must get you rubies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, I HAVE always had the suspicion that I was either going to marry Prince William and become royalty or that I already was secret royalty of some sort.

      And now that William is married, only one of those options remains.

      I am accepting your tale as fact.

      I will be competing in the Princess Pageant this summer.

      My talent is so far undecided but will probably be yodeling.

      Delete
  27. Hi Lauren-

    Just discovered your blog and I am really enjoying reading it. As far as the rubies go I think you need to remind Ryan that you have been so graciously understanding of his stubbornness to not give you a baby that a ruby is more than deserved. After all, that kind of patience takes a lot of work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ashley you are so correct. I have been so understanding and patient.

      So it's definitely ruby time.

      Thanks for Reading!

      Delete
  28. I think you totally deserve rubies and I hope you have gotten draped in them today! However, if you haven't can I interest you in purchasing emeralds because I just watched a documentary on those and they are AMAZ-BALLS. I didn't know they actually GROW underground (like quartz, but prettier) and they can be worth more than diamonds (crazy, right?).

    I totally want some emeralds, but all I got for Valentines was a dozen roses. I shouldn't complain - it's pretty awesome, but it's also the only way my husband has had the past two years for making up for a crappy Christmas (yes, I DO want presents, though he persists in thinking I DON'T). If he would just get Christmas right then he wouldn't need to buy me roses on valentine's day...

    Happy Valentine's day! May you have your beautiful new vows said to you (and a new purse) and LOTS of rubies (or emeralds, as I stated above).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh the only reason I've fixated on rubies is because they are red and Valentine's Day gemstones in my head are red (though more clear ones would be just fine by me too Ryan, in case you were wondering.)

      Any other day, I'd gladly take emeralds. Then at Christmas I could wear my emeralds and rubies together and be quite seasonally adorned.

      My Christmases are usually pretty nice, but our old pre-wedding anniversary and my birthday, which both fall within two weeks of Christmas can be a bit of letdown. Because Ryan says the former no longer exists and the latter he just groups on in with Christmas.

      Oh the trials and tribulations of marriage.

      Happy Valentine's Day to you and your beautiful roses!!

      I'll let you know about the purse/jewels, but don't get your hopes too high for me, on account of I'm definitely not going to get any jewels today.

      Delete
  29. Lauren,
    Firstly I should like to thank you for providing me with my last 48 hours of employment. Unemployment sucks, unless you have the whole Filing Jointly blog to go through!
    Second, Ryan I sincerely hope that you gave Lauren rubies today. Girls are crazy, but catering to our crazy actually makes life a bit more hilarious, and infinitely easier for you. Ignoring, denying, or attempting to reverse the crazy actually makes life difficult for you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh my gosh, I hope you didn't just read my entire blog in like two days. I don't even know if I could digest that much absurdity in that short of a time. If you did, I am very impressed. And think we should be best friends.

      And no rubies, but a very nice card and a small gift and champagne and shrimp for dinner.

      So all is well in my world.

      (Also Ryan, I sincerely hope you read this comment.)

      Delete
    2. To clarify, not MY comment, Hannah's comment.

      It just, like, makes a lot of sense.

      Delete
  30. Pick me! Pick me!

    Ruby slippers are nice....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just seriously need shoes that I can click together three times and have all my wishes come true.

      Like NEED.

      Delete
  31. Dear Ryan,
    Now, don't get me wrong, I know the hype about rubies. They're expensive and you probably don't think they're worth it. As a guy, you're absolutely right. However, we are talking about purchasing these passionate gems for a woman, namely your brilliant wife. You see, a woman like Lauren needs to be reminded how much you love her. Saying it? Psh, she could forget that in a few minutes after you screw something up. Rubies though (any gems really), are a constant reminder of your love and affections. Let's say you screw something up, well Lauren has that absolutely gorgeous piece of art (yes, gems are an art form) to remind her that your love is as rare and beautiful as it was on your wedding day. (As a side note, she might be distracted by the shiny ruby and you could possibly get away with small things.) Look at all the benefits of purchasing this one tiny extravagant expensive item.

    Now go look at your wife, now back to this comment. See that beautiful young woman? She works so very hard and due to societal pressures of traditional roles of the female gender, she not only works hard at her job, but also at home, keeping your living space clean; your home welcoming and inviting. Don't you think she deserves it? I mean, a woman as classic and as stunning as Lauren is ranked up there with Audrey Hepburn. Do you think Audrey Hepburn received a card at Valentines Day? No. Women in Audrey Hepburn's league deserve the finest, so might I suggest something nice from Tiffany's?

    In conclusion, you need to buy your spouse a ruby at the very *least*. Honestly, you could do better. I have a beautiful picture of a ring that Lauren might enjoy (just as a tip, don't look at the price until after you've bought it): http://www.tiffany.com/shopping/Item.aspx?fromGrid=1&sku=GRP03135&mcat=148204&cid=288155&search_params=s+5-p+1-c+288155-r+101323351+101287466-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+

    Cordially,
    Gin

    PS- Just another suggestion, but have you ever thought of buying her The Hope Diamond?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ok this comments is awesome. Like best comment ever.

      I don't even know how to begin replying.

      I will be copying and pasting this comment into an email that I will be sending Ryan later this morning.

      He is going to LOVE it.

      I really WOULD like the Hope Diamond.

      Off to continue being both "brilliant" and "classic and stunning." HA

      Delete
  32. Dear Ryan,

    So...I'm leaving this after Valentines day. BUT you should totally buy Lauren rubies. After Vday, jewelry prices go down. Hell, you could probably pick up something nice on clearance! Then you give it to her and you're all "I don't need a commercial holiday to tell me when to love you!" then whip your head back all dramatically. That's when the ninjas break in. After the fight, Lauren will be all "Rubies AND defending my honor! I love you forever!"

    See? Everyone wins.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everyone except the ninjas that is.

      I like the idea of Ryan defending my honor for a change. Because usually he's extremely happy to just jump on the bandwagon of whomever is currently making me look ridiculous.

      Now I must go get some ice. I was trying to whip my head back all dramatically and have of course pulled a muscle or something.

      Delete
  33. I am probably too late for this (is it seriously Wednesday already?!), but I will say this anyway: Not only do I hope you get rubies very soon, but also babies!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not too late! Haven't picked a winner yet, so I'll make sure to count your comment.

      And yes, it's Wednesday. I know that because I am always very sore on Wednesdays on account of having to see my personal trainer Tuesday nights.

      And today I am sore.

      Delete
  34. Anonymous2/15/2012

    any rubies yet? may be too late, but still had to try. would love to hand those cards to my hubs every day. oh and would totally pop one over to my boss every now and then. love!


    Heather

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope no rubies sadly. A very nice card though. There's always next year I guess.

      And you're not too late! Picking a winner tonight! (So stay tuned)

      Delete
  35. Am I too late? Can I stil enter? Did you get rubies? I MUST know.

    I am also having a giveaway today. (Psst, it's like we're the same person).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AHHHH!!! NO!! Just a little too late, so so sorry. I must have been writing the winner post as you were commenting. Boo.

      Also boo to no rubies. There's always next year though. I am nothing if not persistent about gemstones.

      Off to check out your giveaway!

      Delete
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  37. No, so, I know that this is definitely too late; but someone told me that I should read this blog, and I have a compulsive need to read everything in order so I am a whole year back - and I needed to answer your question.

    Clearly you need to be bedecked in jewels, for multiple reasons:

    1. They're shiny. Shiny things attract leprechauns and if you catch one of those things, they'll totally tell you how to hire a cleaning pixie - and then your kitchen will be magically clean and you will have more time to... get ready for Shark Week?

    2. Gems make people feel like princesses, and when people feel like princesses they have to have Jane Austen marathons and that will give Ryan more time to be by himself, which he will presumably use to... hate joy?

    3. I can't be sure, but I've heard that the sight of diamonds gives lions terrible flashbacks to Africa. So when you are wearing a diamond necklace and it jumps out of the closet to attack you, it will immediately cower and retreat back to the closet long enough for you to rescue your dogs and also call a Zoo. So. Really. A diamond necklace is an investment in your life. Because you deserve it

    ReplyDelete
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