It's Accrual World (I'm An Accountant)

Now that I have a job again (shit) I have a one hour lunch break again.  And sometimes I like to spend that lunch break on a lunch date with my best friend Vanessa.  I usually let her choose the place because she can be particular about her diet and I'm not picky when it comes to food (which I think I've successfully demonstrated at this point.)

So today she picked a restaurant and we agreed to meet at noon.  I left my building at 11:52 thinking that would give me plenty of time.  I was wrong.  I got to the place at 12:07 and found Vanessa at a table, having already ordered and paid at the counter.

I should also mention at this point that it is seriously like Stormageddon in Chicago today.

Lauren: "Are you serious right now?"

Vanessa: "About what? Why are you so red?"

Lauren: "This place is like ten blocks from my office and I can literally see your office.  Look, I'm waving at your coworkers."

Vanessa: "You have snowflakes in your eyebrows."

Lauren: "On the way to meet you for lunch at this Corner Bakery, I passed a Corner Bakery."

Vanessa: "Oh good, my food is here.  You should order."

Lauren: "Next time why don't I just stop and pick up our lunches and then come eat at your desk?"

Seriously.  The walk back was even worse than the walk there, because I was walking directly into the driving wind and snow.  For fifteen minutes.

The front desk people in my building seriously laughed at me when I came in. 

I don't think Vanessa even had her coat. 

So I have decided that I will still have lunch with Vanessa at whatever eatery she chooses but I have started accruing (I'm an accountant) a little something I like to call Frequent Walker Blocks.  Which means that if Vanessa has to walk one block and I have to walk ten, I get to add 9 FWBs to my "account."  And then some day in the future, I am going to call in these blocks and Vanessa is going to have to go anywhere I want. 

And I'm not just talking for lunch.  The beauty of Frequent Walker Blocks is that there are no blackout dates or destinations. I can make her walk 27 blocks to my favorite cupcake place and buy me a cupcake and walk back on my birthday next year. In January.

Walking one block to Walgreens to pick up my prescriptions every month? Thing of the past my friends.

I'm really upset I didn't think of this before.

Now I just need a butler, a chaffeur, a bartender, a nanny (for bedtime stories), a laundress and someone to reset my clocks for Daylight Savings Time and I'm all set.

I don't ask for much.

Oh and if you like stories about butlers - On our honeymoon, we stayed at a very fancy resort that gave each guest their own butler.  Ryan's butler was named Jonathan.  Ryan loved having someone to do all the things for him.  He even once got out of the shower, stood dripping on the mat and said "Lauren, call Jonathan, I need to be dried."

Well, I'm off to create a FWB Forecasting Schedule (I'm an accountant.)


  1. Anonymous1/12/2012

    Deal. Accrue away. But I will require weekly account reconciliations.


  2. I imagine you'll also require an annual outside audit? Because otherwise I will definitely cook the books.

  3. Replies
    1. Yes LIndsay, Accountants do in fact rule. I know because I am one of them and I certainly rule. Also, so do you.

  4. I wish I had an hour!!! I have to scarf my lunch down in 15 mins while yelling at kids to stop talking. I also have to let my kids know that this is my 15 mins and I in fact do not care about their Pokemon cards or funny shapes the food makes.

    1. I sort of love how in this comment you do not mention that you are in fact a teacher and not just a yelly mom that does not care about the things her kids care about.

      Love it!

    2. Yeah....probably should have specified. Ha ha

    3. Also. Where the eff is my penguin mug and my hot chocolate.

  5. I was thoroughly enjoying your post, as always, right up to the part where Ryan might want to get dried by a butler.

    I am now quite alarmed about this. And NOW I understand why Ryan never wears a shirt, he has to REASSERT his masculinity. Because he lost it. To a butler named Jonathan.

    *shaking my head sadly*

    1. Oh Ryan is VERY masculine. For example right now, he is eating a bacon sandwich and watching football. And he's WEARING a shirt. Weird.

  6. Okay, the bacon sandwich redeems him.

    1. It was on whole wheat toast though, is that bad? Sort of girly right?


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Site Design By Designer Blogs