Had A Curtsy Contest With My Husband This Morning. He Won.

First, if you're new here, this post probably will not interest you at all.  I suggest instead you visit here and then visit here and then if you're not completely and entirely sick of me check this shit out.

Second, stay tuned for the epic second part of How Ryan Met Lauren on Monday one day this week.

Third, here is a short story of how last night went for me.

Lauren: My personal trainer is THE WORST.  Even my teeth are sore.

Ryan: I will give you five dollars if you can do two lunges right now.

L: Please Ryan, I am the Queen of lunges.  I could do countless lunges right now.

R: Prove it.

L: You know, I WOULD but royalty does not stoop to displays of physical exertion before their devoted vassals.

R: I'm not sure who you're calling a vassal exactly.

L: Oh right sorry, devoted serfs then.

R: That is...not better.

L: It's more accurate at least.  I am nothing if not accurate.  And sore.

And then Ryan went into the bedroom to change into sweat pants.

L: Shouting over loft wall I just did those lunges you wanted.  And a squat, just for good measure.

And yet Ryan refused to give me the five dollars.  I comforted myself with that fact that I am still somehow on his credit card account (even after buying "too many jelly beans") and I could always buy myself something worth five dollars that way.

But then Ryan and I had a bottle of wine and watched a movie and I was slightly impaired and Ryan convinced me to do lunges in front of him.

And so I started one, got halfway down, got an exquisitely painful cramp, and fell over sideways.

And then I hear

R: Do you need assistance, Your Majesty?

And look up to see Ryan curtsying before me.  (He swears it was not a curtsy but a bow.  But seriously, I know curtsy when I see one.)

So that was my pretty normal-around-here Friday night.

But anyway.

Fourth and last, I need your help blogstalkers.

In the next few weeks this blog will be undergoing a pretty MAJOR redesign (don't worry, I'm not doing it myself.)  I'm hoping when finished it will be easier for all of you reading (I heart you) to navigate and honestly just look at in general.

So what do I need from you, you ask?

I am in desperate need of a tagline.  I've been wracking my brain for days now and quite simply, can not come up with something that is not the worst thing I've ever written.

And you all make me laugh daily with your amazing comments, so who better to ask for help?

I just need like three words to one sentence that will sum up the very essence of this here blog.  These words will be permanently affixed to my header under the words "Filing Jointly...Finally."

If one of you can rescue me from the humiliation of having a tagline that says "This is where a tagline would appear, if I was capable of writing a tagline,"or "Terrible at Taglines But Awesome At Ballet, Or Awful, One Of Those Two." then I will totally send you a ridiculous prize.

It may not be as awesome as a box of cheese (OMG, can you believe a reader sent me that?!) but it'll be something preposterous and/or absurd.

Oh and you will totally get to see your tagline at the top of my blog for the rest of my bloglife.  Which is the real prize, obviously.

Help me blogstalkers.  You're my only hope.


  1. How about something with cheese, or babies? Ryan would Totally love the babies part... Man eating vampire monkeys who HATE lunges would be a strong contender as well. I think I'm out of good ideas today.

    On another note, your blog is Great! Came across it a while back, and ended up laughing insanely loud throughout my office... An inspiration to actually consider posting to mine :)

    1. First, thanks for reading! People telling me I made them laugh, like out loud laugh, is very sincerely my favorite thing.

      Second, I like the babies thing. I'm going to try to work that in somewhere. Hmmm... something about trying to achieve gestational status through subterfuge and blackmail. Interesting...

      Third, I truly do HATE lunges. And walking down the stairs right after a tough workout, so I don't do it. I slide down on my butt. I really should start caring more about what other people think. Then maybe I wouldn't do such ridiculous things.

    2. This proves my idea that every staircase needs a little button that you push to turn the stairs into a slide would be popular.
      Two people liking something makes it popular right?

    3. If the two people are you and I then yes, two people liking something TOTALLY makes it popular.

  2. hmmmm,
    "adventures in marriage"
    "like cheese, only even more awesome"

    yeah that's really all i got, but it's 8pm on saturday night, you can't expect much from me!! on a side note, love your blog!!

    1. Oooh, or (since admittedly nothing, not even my blog, is more awesome than cheese.) "Only Slightly Less Awesome Than Cheese. Which is Saying A LOT."

      So many ideas to consider. I love my blogstalkers.

      On a side note, Thanks! For all of the reading and commenting and everything.

  3. A chronicle of cheese, conjugality and the need to conceive.

    I like alliteration, ok!?!?!?!

    1. So I'm sort of totally cracking up that everyone that has responded so far has mentioned cheese. I don't hide my obsession well it seems.

      And alliteration is always acceptable. So I totally love it.

    2. I was also going to go for A Chronicle of Cheese, Conjugality and Christmas...

      Yes, cheese and Christmas...that's the vibe I get. Plus, you curtsey! Ahhh, more alliteration!

    3. Lauren out Loud?

      Just shoot me...I can't stop alliterating.

    4. I'm going to have to hold off on the whole Christmas thing for at least another, let's say...five months. But I'm liking the word conjugal. It brings to mind prison and conjugal visits and for some reason that makes me giggle.

      And actually yes, I do curtsey. And I'm quite good at it too. When I was little my mom used to pay me in books if I would do ridiculous, over-dramatic curtsies at my piano recitals. So I got A LOT of practice.

      And actually, I think Lauren out Loud, may be a front runner at this point.

  4. I'd love to help you, but I'm probably worse than you at thinking of things like this. I like the "Only Slightly Less Awesome Than Cheese" thing.

    About hiding your cheese obsession... were you trying to hide it? In that case, no, you do not hide it well, but on the other hand, why hide it? Hmm. I guess if it turned to where all you ever talk about is cheese, then that might get monotonous.

    1. Yeah I was totally kidding about the 'hiding my obsession thing' obviously I don't do that.

      I just think it's funny that cheese is like the number one thing people take out of this blog. Funny in a good way I mean.

  5. Sir Hugs A Lot1/29/2012

    "Purple polk-a-dot kind of life"

    "Hopelessly in love with my Husband"

    "My Husband is the source of all that is good"

    "Ryan > Cheese AND Whiskey"

    "Adventures of Ryan and his wife"

    ... Your welcome :)

    1. Juicy Juice1/29/2012

      ***You're** Welcome :)

    2. Why thank you "Sir Hugs A Lot" for your extremely helpful and completely unbiased-on-the-side-of-Ryan ideas. I will consider each in turn before discarding them for something more true.

      I do like the first one though.

  6. Lauren, love and laughter.
    Spontaneous giggling may ensue.
    Educating Ryan.
    Cheese, pickles, Christmas and Life.
    With a side of cheese.
    You're in the right place.

    That's today's list. It's almost too late for me to be creative. Hope you're well, sweetie!

    1. Haha, Educating Ryan. Yesss. Totally true and appropriate.

  7. Anonymous1/30/2012

    I have no suggestions for your tag line. I clicked a link on The Bloggess site this AM and have proceeded to read ever single post you have done. FUNNY stuff! I'll keep reading!!

    1. Well that...just seriously made my day.

      Thanks for reading!

      And no worries on the tagline. I don't even have any suggestions for it, and it's my blog.

  8. Dependents still pending...

    You could update as your family begins and grows - "claiming ___ dependents" etc.

    Just found your blog today - still reading through. It's so cool to "meet" another Lauren.

    1. And with that, I am pretty sure you have won the tagline pseudo-contest.

      Seriously I'm using it.

      Thanks for reading other Lauren!

      (And OMG thanks for the tagline.)

    2. Also, if you send me your address, to LaurenRaeGallagher@gmail.com, I will totally send you a small and ridiculous thank you. I promise I am not a creepy stalker or anything and that I will not use your address for evil doings.

    3. Wow! I'm honored! and thrilled!

    4. As you should be, this is a VERY prestigious blog.

      I couldn't even type that with a straight face. Sitting at my desk trying to stifle laughter right now.

  9. Ah, too late with the tag-lines (of which I have none anyway), but I just wanted to say I too came here via The Bloggess and am in love with your humor. And Chicago, so it makes me happy to know you're there, livening up the city with your humor and sidewalk crawl/walkie thing :). PS - when you make the changes, can you do something about the polka-dot background? It's REALLY hard to read the information over the top of them. TIA.

    1. Ahh yes already have the new template started and the font over the polka dots was the very first thing to go. This format was obviously just thrown together when I started the blog...didn't really expect anyone to read it so wasn't too worried about the polka dots then.

      And I don't know about livening up the city, I stay in ALOT. Ryan's always like, "want to go to dinner?" And I'm like "OR we could stay in, play guitar hero and make quesadillas."

      Thanks for reading!!


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