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I will begin this post with a warning that has nothing to do with the following story, hopefully this is not too late for anyone.
Never, and I mean never ever, get Axe antiperspirant spray in your mouth.
I'll spare you the details, but seriously, worst afternoon ever. I feel like I'll never be able to spit again. Not that I make a habit of spitting.
Oh! Idea! Do you know someone that spits entirely too much? I have the solution to your problem.
Axe them in the mouth.
Both Axe antiperspirant spray and a real axe would probably work.
But moving on.
If you've read this blog before then you know that Christmas is my most favorite day/time of the year.
And you probably know that Ryan isn't all too keen on Christmas.
And you've probably thought "GOD, that Ryan is Soooo lame, does he like any day of the year?"
No? Just me then?
Well to answer my own question then, turns out yes he does like one particular day of the year. I'm actually not sure how I didn't know this until now, Ryan probably thought he had to keep it a secret when we weren't married so I wouldn't dump his rude butt.
Ryan's favorite day of the whole year is the day I geek out on Pride and Prejudice. (Which means I watch the five hour BBC version starring the-one-and-only Colin Firth followed by the two hour newer version starring Matthew MacFadyen who is OK too and then reread my favorite parts of the actual book and then swoon a little.)
|Is it weird that I would genuinely like Ryan A LOT more if his last name were Darcy?|
I didn't even actually realize that I did this every single year but APPARENTLY I do. And APPARENTLY Ryan anticipates this day with longing and excitement.
So this last Sunday I got out of bed, drank some chocolate milk and pondered how to spend my morning. I decided to finally pack away the few remaining Christmas decorations that were still littered throughout the condo. I was completing the task just fine until I got to my Christmas movies and Pride and Prejudice happened to catch my eye.
So I pulled it out of the cabinet.
And then I heard SOMEONE quietly squeak from the couch behind me "Oh my god Oh my god Oh my god, it's here, and during playoffs too, oh my god."
So I turned around and was all "What is here exactly?"
And Ryan was like "Oh umm nothing, just an update for one of my iPhone games."
Which was actually plausible because Ryan is very interested in stupid iPhone games with girly names like "Tiny Wings." But something seemed fishy.
"I will figure this out you know," I said to the suspiciously happy Ryan sitting on the couch.
And then I watched seven hours of Pride & Prejudice.
While Ryan watched seven hours of football and ate homemade tortillas. (I'll get to that in a bit.)
When I finally exited the bedroom stretching, in a Pride & Prejudice-induced stupor, Ryan looked up from where he was laying on the couch, giggled, and said "Done so soon?"
And then I figured it out.
"Are you kidding me Ryan? The thing that was making you so deliriously happy this morning was the idea of spending the day without me?"
"It's just that, and don't take this the wrong way, but when you watch those movies, you don't say anything to me for SEVEN HOURS. And I can do whatever I want. And you don't talk to me for SEVEN HOURS."
"You are in so much trouble for this I hope you know that."
"You don't text me and you don't call me and you don't try to convince me to take the dogs out because you have a headache and you don't tell me stories about how your dad built your brother a treehouse but never built you a treehouse and you weren't even allowed in your brother's treehouse for SEVEN HOURS."
and then he got a dreamy look on his face and whispered "Seven beautiful hours, once a year."
"Well I hope you enjoyed it this year Ryan, because it's the last year it's going to happen."
"Haha there's an empty threat if I've ever heard one. There's no way you can go too long without watching those movies."
"No you're right, I can't. Which is why we will from this day forward be spending my birthday enjoying those movies, together. And if you say one thing about it I'm throwing in Gone With The Wind."
And then he muttered something about getting a treehouse that I wasn't allowed in or something, I didn't quite catch the exact words.
Don't feel too bad for him blogstalkers. Those homemade tortillas he was eating earlier were made using my brand new tortilla press & cast iron skillet. You know, the ones Ryan got me for my birthday. Because, you know, tacos are HIS favorite food and he prefers them with homemade tortillas.
Also, the storage unit key is missing again. I'm pretty sure Ryan has started to hang out in there to get away from me.
Also, I was speaking to Colin Firth last night on the phone, recapping the Golden Globes and he wanted me to reassure you all that he is not in fact a racist.