Having a Job is Hard

Normal start to a post of mine - sorry for not posting sooner, blah blah blah.  I am a very bad person and I have the best blogstalkers of all time.  Of ALL time.

Also, I am sorry that this is not a real post.  I am busy during the day being a very serious accountant and then busy at night looking at my wedding pictures in an effort to encourage myself to start working out again.  Because it is hard to get dressed for my new job when none of my pants fit.

But anyway.  I just wanted to share something that happened to me today.  My new manager gave me an "A for Attitude."  I KNOW.  I was dumbfounded as well.  I've really always considered myself more of a "C for Conscious" person at work. 

The good news is that when he gave me the "A" I sort of giggled nervously and then sneezed.  So I *may* have tipped him off to the fact that he had just made a grievous misjudgment.  Which means now I don't have to attempt to live up to the over-acheiving image he had of me in his mind.  Phew.

Oh and Ryan, please don't take this post to mean that I do not enjoy praise from time to time.  It would be lovely if you would remember that.  And no, saying "Oh you're taking all your Christmas candy to work to share? That's a good idea.  Then you won't eat it all in one night and complain that your pants don't fit this year," DOESN'T COUNT.

Also, I may have used your credit card to buy new pants during lunch today.  And to pay for my lunch today.  Thanks!!

(Sidenote: Can you believe that Ryan put me on his credit card account as a one year anniversary present? What.  A.  Dummy.)

Honestly At This Point I'm Just Dreaming Of A Christmas That Doesn't Somehow Get Ruined By Ryan

So one week after Ryan actually helped me put up my Christmas tree, he has returned to his grinchy ways.

Because yesterday, while I was grocery shopping, he rearranged all of the ornaments on the Christmas tree into, let's just say compromising positions.

I actually had a feeling while perusing holiday desserts that something had gone terribly awry at home.  Because while I was reaching for a gallon of peppermint ice cream, another gallon fell out of the freezer and smashed me in the face.

And I just stood there all dazed in the middle of the freezer aisle until another customer was all

"Miss, are you OK?"

And then I came to my senses, shouted "Joy to the effing world!" and ran out of the store.

And then I went back in and paid for my groceries.  Because I'm a lady.

Upon rushing in our front door I could smell, over the softly mingling scents of cinnamon and evergreen, something tawdry in the air.

Plus Ryan was giggling, hopping from foot to foot, and grinning like he had just discovered a giant box full of puppies and cheese or something.

"WHAT did you do?"

"Oh nothing teeheehee."

"Did you put a hardboiled egg in my stocking again?"

"No."

"Did you undress all of the Christmas Bears?

"No."

"Did you bite the heads off all of the gingerbread babies?"

"Yes but that was yesterday. And I was surprised and a little angry you hadn't noticed yet actually."

And then I saw it.  Snowmen cavorting with Santas.  Penguins canoodling with Polar Bears.  Mickey Mouse with his sweet little mouse paw in places sweet little mouse paws should never venture.

There was a Moose destroying the innocence of a penguin while Cinderella watched.

I quickly separated them while shouting "Avert your eyes Cindy."

"Ryan P. Gallagher...this...is the most hateful thing you have ever done."

"Worse than when I hid the key to the storage unit?"

"Yes."

"Worse than when I ate the last string cheese last week and then lied about it?"

"I KNEW it!  I KNEW I didn't sleep eat it RYAN. Although I will admit that placing the wrapper under my pillow was a nice touch.  And yes, worse than that even."

"Worse than when..."

"I would stop reminding me of all of the hateful things you've done if I were you.  Or you may find yourself locked out only to be let in once you Christmas carol at all of the neighbors' apartments the next time you go to get the mail."

"..."

"That's what I thought."

Seriously blogstalkers, has Ryan reached a new low or what?  And to think he did this after I made the effort to decorate for Hanukah.

What? I didn't say I elaborately decorated for Hanukah.

Reliving all of this has started to make me weepy.  I'm off to eat some comfort food.

One of the best things about being unemployed is that no one can come over to your desk and be like "You're eating THAT for lunch?"

Ok I really have to go now.  I have Christmas Bears to reclothe.
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