Bear with me blogstalkers, I have been dealing with a pretty acute case of writer's block this week and I'm going to try to break through it to post Five Things Friday. If it sucks then I apologize, but my only other alternatives were to not post anything, which tends to garner me some nasty Facebook comments, or to have Ryan guest post, which would be worse than not posting anything. Because no one would even understand the post. Because he makes up words. Words like ellipticize (like exercise and elliptical combined) or squoze (apparently an underutilized tense of the verb squeeze.) And last weekend at his family's lake house he actually asked me if I wanted my ribs q'd or unq'd, which was actually sweet because he knows I'm not always the biggest fan of BBQ sauce, but
still. I try to call him out on making up words and he's just like "Not everyone can be a wordsmith
Lauren. Also, I am not just making up random words, I am
creating words to fill in the obvious gaps in the English language."
UPDATE: I sent Ryan the first paragraph to make sure he didn't have any other
creations that he wanted me to mention and he was all like "It's good, but you spelled squoze wrong." As if there is a right way to spell a word that DOESN'T EXIST RYAN.
Ahhh....Nothing like a little Ryan-bashing early in the morning to loosen the death grip writer's block had on my proverbial tongue.
Moving On.
In the spirit of the first part of this post, let's talk about five of my very favorite REAL and EXISTING words. Why Lauren, what a nice little segue.
1. Scrappy. I think I just really want someone to describe me as scrappy. Like maybe I look like I eat too much Brie (haha Brie, please LAUREN, don't you mean you eat around the moldy pieces in the bag of shredded cheddar?) and like I have long noodley arms but if you cross me you had better watch out. It's just like a really awesome adjective. Unfortunately, I am most definitely not scrappy. I usually deal with conflict by running away. It's my innate flight or flight response. A couple of years ago I actually started taking a self defense/kickboxing class at my gym to up my scrappiness, but it didn't really work. Mostly because I have ZERO balance and so every time I had to do a high kick I just fell over. For real. I fell in that class so much. I took it so I could beat up evildoers but just ended up beating myself up in the process. Ryan finally sat me down one night when I was icing my butt and was like "Listen Lauren, I know you yearn to be scrappy, but I actually think you might be safer if you stopped taking this self defense class." And then I was all "::sigh:: alright Ryan, if you really think it is for the best, I will stop working out." And then I ate five oreos to drown my sorrows.
 |
| Ryan sometimes carries me around so I don't hurt myself. Ryan sometimes forgets to get his hair cut. |
2. Magical. It makes me think of Harry Potter and Disney World and My Wedding and Christmas and Snow and how the city sometimes actually gets kind of quiet between 3 and 4 am. It's also a word I like to use as a retort pretty often. Like when Ryan makes all sorts of big plans for us on the weekend and he's all "So tomorrow I thought we could head to Home Depot because we need lightbulbs and then maybe stop at Wendy's for lunch on the way home. Oh and we need to grab some more dog food. And actually, as long as we're out we might as well try to find me another pair of boat shoes." And I'm like "Sounds
Magical Ryan. Maybe when we get home we can put on some uncomfortable clothes and clean out the dogs' ears."
3. Slumber. This might just be because I was so tired this week that I actually considered pulling a George Costanza and taking a nap under my desk at work. I was so tired this week that I started to think bears don't have the worst life in the world. They just get to eat as much honey and fish as they want all year and then take like a six week nap. I halfway wished I was a bear this week. A BEAR. That's how tired I was..wishing I was A BEAR, my most mortal of enemies. This word also brings to mind all of the slumber parties of my youth when my friends would freeze each other's bras and play Truth or Dare (I dare you to put on this Dr Pepper-flavored Lip Smackers and then go tell Britney's brother you think he's totally cute and then kiss him on the cheek) while I would just lay all flat-chested and braless on my sleeping bag and read my book all night. I think their moms made them invite me. And then my mom made me go.
 |
| Freshman year of high school. How did I not have a date to homecoming, my eyebrows were glorious. |
4. Vestibule. This is not one of my favorite words. But apparently it is one of Ryan's since he suggested I add it since it is "fun to say." He's sort of a dimwit. Actually, when I told him what my Five Things Friday was this week he was like "Oh, is vestibule on the list?" Like it would be crazy to make a list of awesome words and not include the word
vestibule. I don't think I've ever even heard Ryan use the word vestibule until today. I didn't know he loved it so. Honestly though, if I have to include one of Ryan's favorite words I'm glad it is one he never uses. Because if I had to include the words/phrases he uses the most this list would be all : 1. No LAUREN 2. I SAID NO LAUREN 3. Snrrrkkkkle gip gip (that is a very close approximation of the sound of him snoring every night for the rest of my life.) 4. Hey dummies (to the dogs) 5. Taco.
5. Hoodwink. Honestly I just really really want an opportunity to shout "I've been hoodwinked!" It is such a weird and funny word. Every time I see it when I'm reading a book, I laugh. I don't know why. I think people should start using this word more in everyday life. Like if my friend Vanessa were to say "I was going to go work out but then I got hoodwinked into eating cheesecake with Lauren instead." Or if the next time Ryan was mad at me he were to put his 'special' spin on the word and be all "Lauren, I've had it with this hoodwinkery."
That's all for now folks!
P.S Whoever first invented cheesecake is my hero. My life would be so much worse if I couldn't reasonably eat cheese for Dinner AND Dessert.
P.P.S. Here is another picture of me in my glory days. Younger me was much braver. I would never do this now. Because of the threat of getting pinched by a crab, obviously.
 |
| That DOES sound like a great idea! Totally bury me in the sand. I'm not afraid of crabs at all. |
What words do you love to love?
