- Looking at him is fun.
- When I used to be a runner, Sexy Back was my motivation song. I’d listen to it whenever I hit a wall and tell myself “that’s right Lauren, keep running, we’ve got to bring sexy back.” Being honest, in the end I never quite succeeded in bringing the “sexy” back, maybe the “average” or the “not completely gross” but either way, that song helped me get there. And I have to believe that if Justin ever reads this then he will appreciate my honesty and love me just the way I am. Although lately I have been bringing the “cheese” and the “cake” back.
- He totally cracks me up, especially when he is on SNL doing the ridiculous digital shorts with Andy Samberg (see below). Justin, I truly believe I could be the syrup and you could be my waffle.
- He dated Natalie Portman briefly which sort of makes him my idol, because seriously, I want to date Natalie Portman a little bit.
- While he’s definitely funnier than I am, he’s not prettier than me to the extent where if we were out in public people would think I was his ugly cousin or the personal assistant that he hired specifically because there was no risk of him becoming physically attracted to me. ( I think this might happen with Justin and then girls would hit on him and I would be like “I’m RIGHT HERE,” and the girls would be like “Yes why are you still here, don’t you have dry cleaning or something to pick up?” and I would be like “No, it’s not ready until Tuesday.”)
- He could probably introduce me to Justin Timberlake.
- He played Mr. Darcy in the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, which is clearly the best version of Pride and Prejudice, which is my favorite book. In the middle of the movie he jumps into a lake wearing a white shirt. It’s like the best wet tee shirt contest ever. The worst wet tee shirt contest ever was when I was walking to work wearing a white shirt minding my own business when someone decided to water their flowers on a balcony overhead.
- Recently I had started to think maybe he’s a little bit too old for me and considered actually taking him off my list but then Scarlett Johansson started dating Sean Penn and I was like “If she can date Sean then I can date Colin, I’m leaving him on the list.” And Ryan was like “I thought I asked you to please stop talking to me through the door while I’m in the bathroom.”
- He’s British which makes me think he says things like “quite” and “pip pip” and pronounces Aluminum like al-oo-MIN-yum, which just delights me to no end.
- He is a real cowboy. He drives a truck and wears a hat and actually hunted for all the meat served at his wedding. Yes the fact that he’s married bums me out a little bit, but, I mean, so am I right now, things change.
- He is very tall which would make me feel tiny even if I was having a “cheese and cake” month or two.
- He can sing and would probably agree to sing “Baby It’s Cold Outside” as a duet with me at Christmas time, unlike someone else I know. And he would definitely sing the lyrics as they were written and not all like:
Changes Daily. Currently the cupcake that is sitting on my desk looking at me all lasciviously.