This has nothing to do with the following post, but I just wanted to let you all know that I totally wiped out on the way to work today.

In continuation to THIS POST.

So last night in a desperate last ditch effort to get Ryan to stop holding Christmas hostage I offered this compromise.

Next year I would…(gag)…celebrate….(oh my god it’s so bad)…Shark Week.  I promised to watch one shark-themed program of his choice daily.  I even told him we could play the Jaws theme on repeat and eat a delicious sushi dinner while thrashing about wildly in the bathtub.

But all I got in response was “The only reason I even like Shark Week is because I get to celebrate it alone.  The things you are describing would ruin Shark Week.”

Which is why he deserves what happened next.

I found the storage unit key.  I repeat, I FOUND THE STORAGE UNIT KEY!!

Muah HA HA HO HO HO  (Evil Christmas laugh)

It was in Ryan’s toiletry kit, which was the 62nd place I looked.  The 63rd place I looked (after having stashed the key safely in my bra) was the microwave because I wanted to be able to say "Actually, it wasn't," if any dummy remarked "It's always the last place you look."

The first thing I did after having found the key was place a large, extremely jingly, jingle bell on the keychain so that if Ryan ever tried to hide it again while I was home, I would totally hear it.

Then I hid it.  Somewhere way better than a toiletry bag.  So don’t even try to look for it RYAN.  You will not find it.  Here is why.  I hid it at my office.  And you do not have the special swipey card to get into my office.

Sidenote to self: Hide swipey card.  Not in toiletry bag, that is a really bad hiding spot.

So now come this weekend (since I unfortunately do not have any ‘Christmas Elf’ days left at work,) Ryan will be walking in a winter wonderland.

And I will be happy and he will be mildly disgruntled and everything will be back to normal.

Phew.

P.S. I’ll try to stop talking Christmas until at least after Thanksgiving now blogstalkers.

26 comments:

  1. Bethany11/09/2011

    I found your blog through YHL, and I adore it! You're super funny and please continue with the Christmas posts if you'd like, as we all need a little more Christmas spirit! Also, Mariah Carey's 'All I Want For Christmas Is You' is legit my favorite song. Not just favorite Christmas song but favorite ever song.

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  2. You win! You found the key and you got out of Shark Week. Score! Take that Ryan!

    And I agree. Keep the Christmas blogging coming. Maybe a 45 days till Christmas daily post :-P We can only hope!

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  3. @Bethany

    Thanks for reading and commenting! This is a fairly new blog so new readers like seriously make my day. And my all time favorite song is 'Baby It's Cold Outside' as sung by Zooey Deschanel in the classic movie Elf..so I'm totally and completely on the same page as you.

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  4. @Julie

    I usually win though, so no big surprise right?

    And as far as daily posts go...I'm REALLY REALLY trying.

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  5. Carly M.11/09/2011

    Okay, so now I'm starting to get into the Holiday spirit a little more, especially after hearing some Christmas music last night at a time when I really needed a mood lifter. It worked. So, keep up the holiday blogs, if you like!!! We could all use "holiday cheer" and hilarious bah-humbug moments compliments of your darling hubby. :0)

    Plus, I think it's just GRAND that it's beginning to look a lot more like Christmas for you now that you have the key!!! ;o)

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  6. @Carly

    It IS grand. It's also beginning to sound a lot more like Christmas in my world. For example this morning:

    "Lauren, did you seriously put a large penguin keychain on my keys?"

    "I have the girl penguin on mine. They are in love."

    "Of course they are."

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  7. Just came over from The Bloggess and I like. You're my kinda girl.

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  8. This made my day. I love Christmas and everything about it, and NO ONE ELSE DOES. Except you, apparently. So thank you very, very much.

    (PS - I literally laughed out loud at your evil Christmas laugh. Well played).

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  9. @Kristen K
    Thanks! I'm going to add you to my list of adoring admirers. You will be fifth on the list. You would have been sixth but my husband recently requested that I remove his name.

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  10. @justaboutagirl
    YOU just made MY day. Seriously. And that is a pretty hard thing to do on a day I wipe the heck out on the middle of Michigan avenue in front of what felt like millions of people.

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  11. Two penguin keychains in love?! Where can I get a set of those?

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  12. @ Vanessa

    Coach still sells the girl penguin, the boy penguin is from there too, but from like five years ago so I doubt they still have it. Also, I'm not POSITIVE that they're in love. They could be brother and sister for all I know. Or like mortal penguin enemies.

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  13. Found you Via the Bloggess - I love your Christmas spirit. We don't start our Christmas season until after my sons Birthday (Dec. 5th)before then we literally have a birthday party every week so I just don't have the time to decorate until then.

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  14. @K. Russell

    Glad you found my little blog. December 5th actually seems a perfectly normal time to start celebrating Christmas. I'm just not normal, so I start way earlier.

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  15. There are people out there (besides my husband) that actually celebrate shark week?? Now my husband doesn't seem so odd to me. BTW, lovely blog. Will visit again.

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  16. @justlikewater

    Yep both my husband and my sister think Shark Week is like the best week of the year. And yet for some reason *I* am still the crazy one.

    Thanks for reading!

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  17. Just found you from The Bloggess. I am enjoying your blog immensely. My wife loves Xmas but for her, her time is from basically Oct 1st through Xmas. She goes all out for Halloween and the rest is history. Being a typical male, I just gripe about the season ( except Thangsgiving). Otherwise I just let her go.

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  18. @Mark

    Thanks for hopping over here from The Bloggess. I tend to save every bit of my holiday spirit for Christmas so Halloween is not a big thing in my home. I mainly just eat a large bowl of candy corn on October 31st and call it a day.

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  19. Is it Winter Wonderland yet?

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  20. @Jo

    Alllllmooosst. I have absolutely no plans Thursday and Friday though so I am all about egg nog and elf hats those days.

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  21. Anonymous11/16/2011

    Loving this blog!

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  22. @Anonymous

    Thanks! Loving your comment!

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  23. akimont11/30/2011

    Did you find a new spot for the storage key since you packed up your office?

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  24. @akimont

    I actually retrieved all of my Christmas boxes before I packed up my office so if he stole the key now all it would do is prevent me from putting all of my hall-decking supplies back. And he would HATE that. More than he hates apple pie even. (I KNOW, who hates apple pie?!?) Ryan does. Because he is dumb.

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  25. This post makes me laugh. I agree that shark week celebrations should be private.

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    Replies
    1. I just don't get Shark Week. My sister loves it too. It just scares the crap out of me. To each their own though I guess.

      Glad I made you laugh!

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