Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. I can't. Because Ryan is a Christmas-stealing Grinch.
This week Ryan and I are in a monstrously huge fight.
Let me explain.
Anyone that knows me, knows that I completely and totally geek out about Christmas. To me it truly is the most wonderful time of the year. Not so much to my poor suffering Jewish husband. It’s not that he minds that I force him to celebrate a holiday that has nothing to do with his own religious culture, it’s that I force him to celebrate said holiday for 55 days each year. Because November 1st officially heralds the start of my Christmas season.
Sidenote: Did you notice my ingenious use of the word ‘heralds’ there. Even my writing gets Christmasy when November hits.
And yes most people would say November 1st is early to start celebrating Christmas but since when do I care what most people think? I once shaved my legs with half of my kitchen scissors because I had a wedding to go to and I was too lazy to walk two blocks to Walgreens to buy razor refills. I’m sure most people would think that was dangerous and odd but my legs were smooth and I was happy.
So anyway, last Tuesday, November 1st, I sprang out of bed feeling all bubbly and joyful and called in sick to work. I hopped over to my computer and put the new Justin Bieber Chrismas album on repeat. I ate a handful of mini-marshmallows washed down by chocolate milk for breakfast and planned my day.
First, find my Christmas underwear and put them on.
Second, consider normal pants, decide against them, and instead don Christmas tree pants and knee-high stripey candy cane socks. Roll up pants so socks are visible.
Third, go to storage unit to retrieve Christmas decorations.
Third is where things went very wrong. Because the storage unit key was not in the bowl by the door where is always is. So I called Ryan and work and we had this conversation.
Ryan: “Did you make it so that my phone plays “All I want for Christmas is You” when you call me?”
Lauren: “I did, you are welcome.”
Ryan: “Awesome, no one at work is making fun of me right now.”
Lauren: “Did you put the storage key somewhere?”
Ryan: “Why are you even calling me now, why aren’t you at work?”
Lauren: “I’m being a Christmas Elf today. Storage unit key?”
Ryan: “I hid it.”
Lauren: “What the eff RYAN. My Christmas shower curtain is in there. The dogs’ reindeer antlers are in there. EVERYTHING I NEED IS IN THERE.”
And thus the giant, (maybe marriage-destroying RYAN), fight. And he won’t give in. No matter what I do. I even brought him home matzo ball soup the other night as an homage to Judaism. But he didn’t care. He was just all like “Why does one of these matzo balls have a bite taken out of it?”
So yeah, that’s where things stand in our home right now.
Oh and last night, the fight got ten times worse when Ryan said…and I quote…
“Don’t you love that it’s not beginning to look a lot like Christmas in here?”
How’s your November blogstalkers?
Is anyone dying to see a picture of me all decked out for Christmas?
Posted On 11/07/2011