I am looking for another job but for the time being my only responsibility is changing the burnt-out bulbs on the Christmas tree. Oh also, laundry, cleaning, cooking and wearing lipstick like a good wife. Because I am trying to convince Ryan that I should never go back to work. That I should stay home and be a fifties housewife and have babies while also devoting most of my time to this little blog.
So far, he is adamantly opposed. Let's see how he feels when he comes home today to a sparkling house, a hot dinner and a foot rub.
So a couple of nights ago my lovely friends and I had a party to celebrate my last day of work. Sort of unbeknownst to me they had decided that now that I don't have a full-time job I need to put up bloggy ads. At first I was like, "Absolutely not, that would drive away readers and at this point only net me like $1.90 a month."
Until I saw what their idea of "ads" was.
I have the best friends ever.
|"This one is your cousin and this one is your sister. They don't count as friends. You should get some more friends." Guess who said that when he saw this picture...|
But moving on.
Last night, after working my last hour of work, I made Ryan pick me up because I had tons of stuff I had to bring home from the office.
He wasn't particularly happy about it but he did it anyway because I said he had to and I am in charge.
When we got home I was unpacking my large bag of stuff that had previously had residence in my work desk when this conversation happened.
"You had TWO giant jars of peanut butter in your desk?"
"I am extremely afraid of ever running out of peanut butter. You know that, I made you put "I will never let you run out of cheese or peanut butter" in your wedding vows."
"Not so much made me as wrote it in at the bottom of my actual vows resulting in me almost actually reading that shit aloud in the middle of our wedding."
"I really think your vows could have been better"
"Oh really how?"
"You left out the really important stuff. Like you mentioned loving me forever and all that crap but you neglected to mention things like "I don't care if you don't shave your legs ever again."
"But I do care..."
"Shhh Ryan, I am redoing your vows."
And then I wrote Ryan new vows. He will be reading them to me at a 'renewing our vows' ceremony on our one year anniversary. He does not know this yet.
I'll share these vows in full on December 11th (our anniversary) after receiving whatever diamonds Ryan purchases for me. But for now, here is a little teaser.
"I, Ryan Gallagher, promise to never let the following things eat you: A bear, a catfish, a lion. I promise if you are close to being eaten, to throw myself in harm's way so that you may escape."
"I also promise to never again say things like "Oh, you have a mustache, I never noticed before. Must be these new sunglasses. Man these things are awesome."
That's all for now folks.
This post has been sponsored by:
|Two great friends. Alright RYAN, I mean one friend and one cousin.|