Don't feel sorry for him. He knew EXACTLY into what he was getting. I almost said "He knew EXACTLY what he was getting into" but the idea of ending a sentence in a preposition made me shudder.

So yesterday was officially my very last day at work.  YAY!

I am looking for another job but for the time being my only responsibility is changing the burnt-out bulbs on the Christmas tree.  Oh also, laundry, cleaning, cooking and wearing lipstick like a good wife.  Because I am trying to convince Ryan that I should never go back to work.  That I should stay home and be a fifties housewife and have babies while also devoting most of my time to this little blog.

So far, he is adamantly opposed.  Let's see how he feels when he comes home today to a sparkling house, a hot dinner and a foot rub.

So a couple of nights ago my lovely friends and I had a party to celebrate my last day of work.  Sort of unbeknownst to me they had decided that now that I don't have a full-time job I need to put up bloggy ads.  At first I was like, "Absolutely not, that would drive away readers and at this point only net me like $1.90 a month."

Until I saw what their idea of "ads" was.

I have the best friends ever.

"This one is your cousin and this one is your sister.  They don't count as friends.  You should get some more friends." Guess who said that when he saw this picture...
So yeah they made tee shirts and are going to wear them to direct some traffic to my little spot on the interwebs.  I'm pretty sure this isn't normally how ads work, but I like this way better.  Even if it makes me zero dollars in the end (don't tell them that.)

But moving on.

Last night, after working my last hour of work, I made Ryan pick me up because I had tons of stuff I had to bring home from the office.

He wasn't particularly happy about it but he did it anyway because I said he had to and I am in charge.

When we got home I was unpacking my large bag of stuff that had previously had residence in my work desk when this conversation happened.

"You had TWO giant jars of peanut butter in your desk?"

"I am extremely afraid of ever running out of peanut butter. You know that, I made you put "I will never let you run out of cheese or peanut butter" in your wedding vows."

"Not so much made me as wrote it in at the bottom of my actual vows resulting in me almost actually reading that shit aloud in the middle of our wedding."

"I really think your vows could have been better"

"Oh really how?"

"You left out the really important stuff.  Like you mentioned loving me forever and all that crap but you neglected to mention things like "I don't care if you don't shave your legs ever again."

"But I do care..."

"Shhh Ryan, I am redoing your vows."

And then I wrote Ryan new vows.  He will be reading them to me at a 'renewing our vows' ceremony on our one year anniversary.  He does not know this yet.

I'll share these vows in full on December 11th (our anniversary) after receiving whatever diamonds Ryan purchases for me.  But for now, here is a little teaser.

"I, Ryan Gallagher, promise to never let the following things eat you: A bear, a catfish, a lion.  I promise if you are close to being eaten, to throw myself in harm's way so that you may escape."

"I also promise to never again say things like "Oh, you have a mustache, I never noticed before.  Must be these new sunglasses.  Man these things are awesome."

That's all for now folks.

This post has been sponsored by:

Two great friends.  Alright RYAN, I mean one friend and one cousin.

12 comments:

  1. Carly M.11/17/2011

    The advertisements are fantastic, I must say ;o) I also love your new vows! You might also want to think about adding a "couples Halloween costume" clause in there to ensure that he doesn't pair up last second with Jake again lol.

    *And cousins and sisters ABSOLUTELY count as friends... We love you because of the crazy, not in spite of it!!! ;o)

    Also, if they don't count I'm down like six friends.

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  2. Can't wait to read the vows Ryan will write for you on your one year anniversary! :)

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  3. @OJ

    Me neither. I have absolutely no idea what they say. Total mystery.

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  4. @Carly

    Yes..the Halloween costume thing is a good idea. I'm adding it. And thanks again for the free advertising cousin-friend.

    And I totally get the "down six friends" thing because I told one of our neighbors that we are going out to dinner tomorrow with a bunch of friends and Ryan had to be all "Actually we're going out to dinner with all three of her sisters and their boyfriends, she can't tell the difference between sisters and friends."

    I think that's a good thing though?

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  5. Bethany11/17/2011

    I have told all of my friends (3 people + 1 sister - but isn't quality is better than quanity?) to read your blog too.

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  6. @Bethany

    Thank You! From the bottom of my heart for realz.

    I only have like fifteen readers but you are all like the best readers for which a 'little' Chrismas Elf could ask.

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  7. You know, Ryan is a tiny bit of a poopy-head. I know, I know, you haven't even been married one year and I shouldn't be raggin' on your new husband...I can't help it.
    First he hides the storage locker key and NOW he's being too literal. Not to mention that you didn't get those boots, did you?
    Here's something that they 50's style housewives did that no one has probably told you: they wore their aprons with nothing underneath them in order to get their husbands to do stuff. Just sayin'...

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  8. The worst girls night to miss! U guys look so cute! I'm totally in. Due hard reader right here xoxo

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  9. @Julie

    Don't you worry my dear, there may be a size small tee shirt and lots of markers just waiting at my house for you.

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  10. @Jo

    Oh rag on my new husband all you like. We've only been married for one year but we've been together for like ten. So we're technically newlyweds, but we wouldn't be if Ryan had proposed five years earlier when I started pestering him.

    Oh, and I totally did get those boots. Came in a big surprise box in the mail today. Because "I felt like if I didn't get them for you, you'd go do something stupid, like get frostbite just to prove a point." He knows me too well.

    And I DO have a really nice apron. Hmmmm...

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  11. Oh crap, does this mean I have another four years of secretly adding engagement ring websites in his favourites on his computer and singing "If you like it then you should so put a ring on it", choreography included?

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  12. @Christine

    Haha probably not, my husband is just stubborn. Oh and that song, heard it in the car the morning of the day he proposed (before he proposed) and punched him in the arm *sort of* hard. I felt bad about that later.

    Also, now that I have the ring, I send Ryan pictures of babies. He doesn't love it. Too bad for him.

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