And Then I Made Up The Best Insult OF ALL TIME

I don’t think anyone is going to think this is funny except me, but I have been wracking my brain for something else to write and can’t come up with anything.  So I apologize for this maybe not being funny.

So last night in the middle of the night I woke up from what could be arguably my weirdest dream of all time.  I had a gun pulled on me in this dream and yet I woke up laughing, gasping for breath, with a sleepy and somewhat perplexed husband looking at me like I was mentally ill.  So you know, like he normally looks at me.

What happened was this.

I was working in this dream as a gas station parking attendant, parking people’s cars while they went in to like buy chewing tobacco and Mountain Dew and pay for their gas and then bringing the cars back around 90 seconds later when they were ready to actually pump their gas.  I was wearing a little hat.    

Sidenote: Can you believe that this job doesn’t exist yet in real life?  Because now that I’ve been presented with the idea, I’m surprised no one has seen that there is a giant gaping hole in gas station culture.

Anyway, at some point this really cool guy wearing a tan bell-bottomed leisure suit and aviator sunglasses pulls up in a green Ford F150 and TRIES TO PARK HIMSELF.  And I am having none of it.  I run over to him as he’s striding away and I’m all like,

“HEY, Mr. F*ck!” 

And he slowly turns and says “What did you call me?” 

So I say “You heard me, Mr F#ck.” 

And I can tell he is VERY offended (I’m not sure why, it was such a subtle insult) but I am like a really tough gangster in this dream so I just stand my ground. Then he pulls out the tiniest gun I have ever seen and points it at me. And I am scared, but still tough like a gangster, so I still just stand my ground.  And then I woke up.  I assume this means I got shot in the dream but whatev.  Tough gals in tiny little hats don’t let something like a bullet wound ruin their day.

Back in the real world, once I stopped laughing I tried to explain to Ryan what had just happened.  He just sat there and quietly listened to the whole story and when I stopped talking his only response was “I wouldn’t let you park my car either, you’re a terrible driver.”

Yeah so he sided with the guy that dream-shot his wife.

No “Wow you were really hardcore in that dream, I am impressed.” (I KNOW, right?!)

No “If this guy was so cool why was he wearing a tan leisure suit?” (You know I don’t know what’s cool in real life. It probably just carried over into the dream.)

Not even “What did your little hat look like?” (It was very little and blue.  It looked like a hat a monkey might wear.)

I feel like he might finally be getting used to my crazy. 

Like this hat.  But in blue.  And more monkey-sized.
Any weird dreams lately blogstalkers? 

Is anyone else going to start using ‘Mr. F&ck’ as their insult of choice?


  1. Carly M.11/10/2011

    Weird dreams are a constant, every night thing for me. My weird dream from last night consisted of myself and several of my friends getting on the bus to go to school. The weird part(or weirdest part? since I'm not really school-girl age any more...) was that we all had our regular heads, but little kids bodies. We looked like a bunch of bobble-head dolls. It seems creepy in retrospect, but it seemed normal in my sleep. I guess I'm strange too? LOL

  2. @Carly

    That is hilarious. Although it still comes second to the dream my sister had about a bunch of pirates threatening to make her walk the plank if she could not successfully crack like a whole room full of walnuts with her knees.


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