What is this TAN color you speak of?

Fear not my loyal Blogstalkers, those of you left anyway, I am BACK. 

I would have written sooner but for one week I was off enjoying the beautiful Hawaiian sun and watching one of my very best friends get married.

Such A Pretty Bride.  Update: And yes OF COURSE the groom is nice-looking as well.

And then for one week I was sitting in an aloe-filled bathtub yelling at Ryan to “bring more tylenol, and popsicles, and Archie comic books and aloe, MORE ALOE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.”

"Ryan do I look red, should I put on more sunscreen?"  "No you look fine."  Thanks RYAN.  This is ALL YOUR FAULT.

And then for one week I was busy peeling off concerningly large pieces of my skin and calling my doctor to ask if “2.5 inches long by about, I don’t know, maybe 1.6 inches wide, maybe a little bit more” was too much skin to be losing at once. (In case you’re wondering…“No a bit of peeling does not warrant an ER visit Mrs. Gallagher.”)

But anyway, I am back now and full to the brim of good old-fashioned stories about Ryan being a dumdum.

Those stories will have to wait for a bit though because Ryan bought me a lovely pearl ring in Hawaii in exchange for me maybe not writing about him on the blog for a little while and I am feeling pretty generous toward him at the moment.  Although, he is starting to get pretty self-congratulatory, so we’ll see just how long I can play nice.

What a TERRIBLE place to get married.

In the meantime, here is story of me being slightly less than awesome. 

So the Board of Directors of my company was meeting in the Chicago office yesterday.  It was a pretty big deal.  Everyone cleaned up their desks and actually wore a little bit of makeup (chapstick and deodorant is makeup right?) and practiced saying things like “It’s perfectly lovely to meet you Mr. President.”  Everything was going just swimmingly until I managed to bungle up the whole day by accidentally meowing at one of the big wigs.

Yep.  That happened.

I was minding my own business, humming a catchy Justin Bieber number and ambling down the hallway.  Then it happened.  He came around the corner and I came around the corner from the opposite way at the same time and we almost collided and instead of being a normal person and just being all “Oh so sorry, excuse me.  It is perfectly lovely to have you in the office today Mr. President,” I threw my hands up in front of my face (in what can only be described as a claws-out catlike fashion) and said “mrrewwahheoo.”  And then he just stopped, looked at me all wide-eyed, turned, and backed slowly away.

And then I died a little of humiliation.

And then I decided that I am going to be a black cat for Halloween this year, no matter how clich√© it is, because seriously, I had NO IDEA I was that good at meowing.  And black is slimming.

P.S. This weekend at our end of the season softball party I won the girls’ MVP award.  Ryan did not win the boys’ MVP award.  No one was surprised. 

Go Team!
Sorry Ryan, looks like pearls don’t get you much more than five paragraphs of nice-Lauren.  Maybe next time try diamonds?  Ooooooh or babies.


  1. Carly M.9/20/2011

    OMG - died laughing. Also, glad to have you blogging again ;o)

  2. FINNNAAAALLLY!!!! I read that your were snorkeling for 17 hours or something ridiculous like that and Jansen was like, " Isn't Lauren allergic to the Sun?!"

    Glad you survived. Please tell Ryan that I will call him back soon and that just the thought of his beautiful face brings a glowing smile to my face!


  3. @Carly

    Ryan thinks it's karma. Like the fact that I write ridiculous things about him on my blog means that the universe has decreed that I do ridiculous things in my own life. PLEASE Ryan. Self-centered much?

  4. @ OJ

    Just BARELY survived. Like if there was such a thing as Red Man Group, I seriously could have auditioned for that shit.

    Tell Jansen hello! Ryan and I miss you both.

  5. Did he pull out his claws and meow back at you? Or better yet, did he start barking and then start chasing you around the office?!

    Oh how I missed your blog entries. I'm glad that you are done peeling and back to blogging :-)

  6. Anonymous10/07/2011

    Pls write more. I've been eagerly waiting for an update.

    #1 Blogstalker

  7. @Anonymous

    Your wish is my command lovely Blogstalker.

    Gossip Girl

  8. Anonymous10/16/2011

    Yay! I was starting to get concerned.

  9. Hi, I've never read your blog before, but that story made me laugh until I was crying and my husband had to mute the TV and wait until I was done laughing to resume his show! great job. :-p

    1. Yes! Success! Thanks so much for reading!


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