Five Things Friday - Really Really Random Things That Happened In My Life This Week

One – Got Obviously Hit On By A Doctor.  Ok. So I hate to admit this but I am probably, just a little bit, kind of a hypochondriac.  Ryan swears I have my doctor on speed dial.  (I don't, but my phone did save our vet as a "favorite contact" because I might call him a couple of times a week when one of my dogs eats a stick or barks weird.) I do, however, spend a lot of time physically in the doctor's office.  So much time actually that I have started to rotate which doctor in the office that I see so that no one individual doctor realizes what a crazypants I am.  Anyway, something lovely happened this week when I was just hanging out with one of my doctors, checking up on some suspiciously brown-colored moles and making sure it was normal that I sneezed seventeen times in one day when I didn't even have a cold and that it was ok that one of the times that I sneezed I also coughed at the same exact moment.  What happened is this.  The doctor told me that I have the cleanest ears he's ever seen.  True story.  At the time I was all like "Oh..umm..haha..yeah..heee..thanks..qtips."  But then I got home and I maneuvered a couple of mirrors in such a way that I could look inside my own ears and seriously you guys?  Those things are CLEAN.  And I am oddly proud of it.  And now whenever Ryan comes home and is all "LAUREN, dear lord, what did you even...gone fifteen minutes and... THIS PLACE IS A MESS."  I can be like "Yes darling perhaps, but have you seen my ears?"

Two – Got Obviously Ditched By My Sister. My sister Jordan, my maid of honor, one of my best friends, moved to Arizona - SUPPOSEDLY.  She went to school in Arizona and has been talking about moving back for a little while now and finally decided to do it.  She found a job and a place to stay and packed up her things and left Thursday morning.  At least this is what she tells me.  And I did believe her at first, I really did.  I even bought her a going-away sweatshirt and wrapped it in Disney princess paper and taped a GIANT Reese’s peanut butter cup to the top and then went to her going away dinner and told her I’d miss her (she was oddly silent in return now that I think about it.)  And then today?  I see that someone on Facebook checked Jordan in to a restaurant in ChicagoOne that is seriously ONE BLOCK away from where I work.  In CHICAGO.  And in retrospect, there were only like four people at her “going-away” dinner.  And when I told Jordan I’d come visit her she WAS like “Are you sure Lauren?  There are scorpions in Arizona and scorpions are veeerrry stingey.”  So now I’m pretty sure she lied about the moving away.  And I’m not sure why.  Whatever though, I don’t need her anyway.  She was always borrowing my books and then never giving them back.  And you know what?  The joke’s totally on her.  Because she left her GIANT Reese’s peanut butter cup at my house.  And I am going to eat the crap out of it.

I *THOUGHT* We Were Good Friends JORDAN.

Check out the body language and her fake smile.  Things are definitely going downhill here.  How did I not notice?

Three – Showered Every Single Day. This is history-making for me.  It’s going in the Guiness Book of Lauren Records. 

Totally unrelated question, shaving your legs in the sink counts as a shower right?    

Four – Hatched A Brilliant New Plan To Get Justin Timberlake To Notice Me.  I have decided that I am going to start a twitter account dedicated solely to tweeting exactly what I imagine JT is doing at any one moment in time.  Like, say, Wednesday evening at 7:42 pm.  “Standing all sorts of shirtless on my balcony and watching the sun set over the Hollywood sign.”  Or Saturday afternoon at 3:07 pm.  “Breaking up with Jessica Biehl.”  I figure at some point someone that knows someone that knows Justin is bound to notice and then fill him in.  Ryan just thinks that if this actually happens JT will think I am being “beyond creepy Lauren, seriously, do you hear yourself sometimes?”  But I think he’ll be more like “This girl is my soul mate, how did she know that I enjoy a cold glass of Yoohoo as soon as I get up Monday mornings at 8:25 am?”  And then he will come running into my arms and when Ryan is all “I’m sorry Lauren, I was wrong to call you creepy and to lie about eating the last piece of string cheese yesterday.”  I will just be like “Oh Cry Me A River Ryan.”

True.  For Now.

Five – Took Proactive Steps To Ward Off A Serious Breakout I Could Just FEEL Bubbling Under My Skin, Waiting Until The Day I Had A Fancy Wedding To Attend To Make It’s Appearance. 

Ryan: WHAT are you doing?
Lauren: Preventing zits CLEARLY.  (I may have had like four to seven Biore nose strips on my forehead, cheeks, chin and obviously nose at this point.)


Ryan: You are NOT seriously trying to get in bed like that?
Lauren: What do you mean?
Ryan: Your face is covered in toothpaste.  What is wrong with you this week?

I am pretty sure Ryan is going to be the next one to “move away.”

What’s up with you blogstalkers?

1 comment:

  1. Carly M.8/26/2011

    So I crunch ice... All the time. It helps ease my frustrations in a "crunch-the-ice-instead-of-striking-a-coworker" kind of way. Wednesday, due to my obsessive compulsion I actually shattered a molar. Ouch.

    While on my way to the dentist to repair the tooth yesterday, I sent a quick email to my office to remind them I would be working from home all day but unavailable for about an hour while the reconstruction was underway (very ouch.) A coworker actually responded to that email, suggesting that maybe I should switch to smoking as a safer alternative to ice. Really... When I mentioned this in passing to my dentist about 20 minutes later, he suggested that with a lower risk of mouth and gum cancer, dip would actually be a safer alternative to smoking. Really???

    Lol, they were joking but the whole conversation was very "Am I in the Twilight Zone right now???" Funny thing though, with the amount of pain I've been in for the past 36 hours, I am considering other alternatives for stress relief. Maybe I'll take up base jumping or lion taming or something...


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