Five Things Friday - Super Secret Edition - Also I Realize it is Monday

1. I do a LOT of drugs…for anxiety and depression and the-not-getting-pregnant (but that’s another story.)  It’s not something of which I’m ashamed.  I AM ashamed of the amount of cheese I consume but unfortunately there is no drug for that and my doctor has requested that I please stop asking her questions like “What would you say is an appropriate amount of cheddar cheese to eat in one week?” and “Hmmm…Ok so if I ate, let’s just say “triple” that plus like a shit-ton of parmesan and one small wheel of gouda, is that like, would you say, concerning?”

2.  Last Sunday when Ryan was at his family’s lake house and I was supposed to be home cleaning and grocery shopping and shaving my legs…I was actually home watching the Teen Mom marathon on MTV and looking at pictures of baby animals online while wearing my wedding dress.

3. I have to this date found five grey hairs on my head.  The first time it happened I convinced myself it was just a blonde hair.(DENIAL)  The second time I was like, “oh crap, this is really happening and it is not ok I am only 27 years old” and then Ryan said “you’re almost 28” and then somebody threw a shoe at him and he shut his big fat mouth for a while.(ANGER)  The third time, I tried to make the point to Ryan that if I was old enough for grey hairs then I was old enough for babies (BARGAINING) and he was all “it’s not your age that is in question here Lauren, it’s more of a maturity level thing,” which seemed like a pretty ridiculous thing to be coming out of the mouth of someone who only moments before had been stressing out about his high score in an iPhone game called Tiny Wings.  The fourth time I just sat down and cried, mostly because I accidentally smashed my face into the bathroom mirror when I was tying to get a closer look at the grey hair, but also because of the grey hair.(DEPRESSION) The fifth time I was like, “meh, bigger fish to fry.”(ACCEPTANCE)

4. Before I leave for work in the morning I have to check to make sure both of my dogs are breathing by putting my hand on them and physically feeling their chests move in and out.  Sometimes after I leave and lock the door and walk to the elevator I have to go back to make sure they’re still breathing.  I might be going crazy.  Also, it seems a little suspicious on my part that I never check to see if Ryan is breathing. 

5.  On Thursday after work I tried unsuccessfully for like three minutes to buzz myself into the side door of our building.  I was getting pretty frustrated that it was not working so I stomped around a little bit and kicked the door a little bit and said something like “RRARGHH.”  And then I realized I was trying to use my work ID to get into my home.  This is not the first time this has happened.  It is not even the second.  Also, I’m pretty sure our doormen are always laughing at me.  

2 comments:

  1. Oh my god, are you my slightly older twin?! (It could technically happen. I mean, it would have to be in vitro or something, but it would probably take a lot of money.)

    Do you wake up in the night and check their breathing, just in case? ... Cause I certainly don't...nope...

    You're completely neurotic and I absolutely love it. I have to go read more of your posts now!

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Christine

    Why yes I AM neurotic. How ever did you figure that out? Haha.

    Off to check out your blog to confirm the whole in vitro twin thing.

    ReplyDelete

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